Posted
by Marcy McGuffie
January 5, 2006 at 3:03 p.m.
The Socially Stunted Salutes Technology
Often, I find myself pondering whether or not I would be so socially inept without the advent of this past decade's technological advances. Technology, probably intended to make life more convenient for our increasingly lazy society, has also coddled the socially retarded. Where does it stop? Is there a line to be drawn? Or, as I suspect, will increasing technology continue to further isolate the socially inept from the larger societal influence?I vividly recall hiding behind my mom once, when she was talking to another adult. I was no older than 5. This is my first memory of being shy. In kindergarten, a classmate once inquired why I was so shy. I hadn't attached any labels to my 'condition' before that moment. But, it was true:I was both shy and timid. This affliction would continue to damper me throughout my childhood. Unlike my older siblings, who were outgoing and popular, I always withdrew from social contact. Often, I would turn down outing invitations because I preferred to be alone (and avoid the awkwardness known as interacting). Later on, I realized it was not shyness alone that plagued me-but also an extreme introverted nature. Shyness and introversion are not one in the same. Shyness results more out of a fear or anxiety, while introversion is innately being more comfortable within oneself. Crap! I'm blessed with both:I have never felt comfortable talking with people (other than family and close friends who've earned the reveal of my obnoxious nature). People are often shocked to find out that I'm quite the talker, once I begin to feel comfortable enough to chat incessantly with them. Upon initial meetings, I am quiet and tight-lipped. For some reason, my thoughts can't make it past my lips. Fortunately, throughout the years, I've developed a few coping mechanisms to fake my way through more social interaction.But-I wonder if I would be more socially adequate if society didn't make it so damned easy for me to be a hermit. ATM-Oh dear lord how I love the automatic teller machine. Slip your card in, punch in a code, and withdraw or deposit cash. Voila! Of course, it helps if you actually have money in your account (yes, I'm feeling the effects of unemployment).Self-checkout machines-Anymore, I balk at the idea of having to talk to a:gasp:.cashier! I will wait in line for a self-checkout, rather than have to deal with an actual, live person. Yep, I do feel a slight sense of guilt realizing these machines are probably putting people out of work.Pay at the Pump-Thank you debit and credit cards!!! Seriously, when I was 16, and got my first car (the one I'm still driving), I would panic knowing I had to go in and tell the clerk which pump I had used. Ridiculous, I realize. But, the moment pay-at-the-pump became widespread:I was all over it like white on rice.Automatic Postage Machines-Brilliant! Why didn't they come up with this concept sooner? Weigh your package, pop some moola in, print a stamp, and throw your package into a gigantic mail slot. Now, when I want to mail a tape trying to whore myself to a reality or talk show, it can remain my dirty little secret. I am no longer subjected to the postal clerks' knowing smirks.Home shopping-Once upon a time, I would not order from home shopping channels because you had to call and talk to a live person! No longer. Thank you, Al Gore, for inventing the internet. I hate telephones because they are too personal. The internet is not. My phone phobia continues...Internet in general-Banking, shopping, vacation planning, interacting with people without having to look 'em in the eyes or hear their voices. Fantabulous!!! Some peoples' only social interaction is with a store clerk. These modern conveniences make it so simple to eliminate healthy social contact:and the socially inept, such as me, embrace these technological advances. Although, I admit it probably isn't healthy for us in the long run. Oh, how did the socially repressed ever survive in the past? Or, is the socially inept community only thriving because of these inventions?
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Todd (anonymous) says…
Wow, I didn't know you chould be shy and introverted. Jeez, talk about a double whammy. So shy is feeling like you can't figure out how to interact with people while introverted is preferring not to interact? Do I understand that correctly? I'm a non-shy extrovert who has to really focus to stay out of other people's business so it's difficult for me to imagine your situation.
beatle919 (Marcy McGuffie) says…
Shy (encarta definition): uncomfortable with others: reserved, diffident, and uncomfortable in the company of others
Yeah Todd, you pretty much summed it up! There's an entire book explaining the differences between introversion and extroversion. The author also touches on how shyness is not the same as introversion. Aaah...my disorganized self cannot find my book right now. But, I went to the website:
www.theintrovertadvantage.com
Introverts:
Enjoy time alone
Consider only deep relationships as friends
Feel drained after outside activities, even if they were fun
Good listener
Appear calm and self-contained
Think then speak or act
Extroverts:
Like to be in the thick of things
Relish variety
Know lots of people, considers lots of people friends
Enjoy chit-chatting, even to strangers
Feel stoked after activity
Speak or act then think OR think while speaking
And, it's difficult for me to imagine being non-shy and extroverted!
CaptainHumdrum (anonymous) says…
well written and I'm a non-extrovert myself, I enjoy your subtle humor, which I'm sure most people-people don't get
Keep it up
MyName (anonymous) says…
I'm in much the same situation, and I think it makes it difficult to make new friends. Because, not only does it require a bit of work to loosen up around people due to the shyness, but it also means I don't really need people all that much. So it's alot of work for something I don't need that much of, kind of like exercise I guess, but scarier sometimes. I guess the difference is that being shy is like having a bad case of stage fright everytime you meet someone new, and being introverted just means you don't have to be around people as often before you get lonely.
As far as technology goes, I have an evening job, so things like ATMs and pay-at-the pump are a necessity. I think it would be very difficult to have to go inside a bank to get access to my money.
OtherJoel (anonymous) says…
I have a pattern of railing on the automated shit and then embracing it. In the early 90s I made a point to always go in the bank, but eventually I started using the ATM at first just to get some cash for the bar, but now I pretty much use that, direct deposit, and online services for everything. I have seen the inside of a bank perhaps twice this year.
I'm going through the self-checkouts more and more, especially since people finally seem to be getting the hang of the process. It seemed like I always ended up behind someone who spent 10 minutes trying to figure out how to ring up a gallon of milk. Then they pay cash and can't get the dollar bill acceptor to work.
I remember when the Internet first started getting attention, and people were like, "and you can even BUY stuff on it." I laughed. Now, I buy anything I can online. Plus it's fun to get packages in the mail. As someone who spent most of their lives hating everything the shopping malls and chain stores stand for, it still kind of makes me sad visiting once successful malls and department stores with no one in them, or seeing them close down completely. I guess part of me still remembers back when I was 13 and the shopping mall was the center of social life. It was a stupid, stupid place, but it was important to me once.
I swore for years I would never get a cell phone, but I broke last week. I never hesitated to embrace pay at the pump for some reason, though.
The sociology guy in me is tempted to speculate about the economic and social impact of all of this, but I'm finally getting sleepy and I have to work early tomorrow. Pleasant dreams everyone.
Dazie (Aileen Dingus) says…
oooo Marcy- don't forget "Order online pizza delivery" I discovered that recently- you place your order online, don't have to speak to anyone at all until they show up at your house with the food. I don't know how many places do it, but the one I tried starts with a "P" and the 2nd word starts with a "J" and rhymes with "ohns"
beatle919 (Marcy McGuffie) says…
Captain: Thanks, I appreciate it!
MyName: Making new friends is the worst! It's a 'skill' I've only began to figure out in the past year or two...and only because I had something 'click' inside me where I began to crave more social contact. It's not easy...but, for some reason I found it necessary. Who knows, maybe I reached the point where I was sick of my own company! Though, I still do enjoy my alone time a lot more than the extroverted person would. And, its still painfully nervewracking conversing with new people. Great way of explaining the difference between shyness and introversion. Yes, the automated conveniences are a necessity for some--but, in my case..its always something I choose even when a real live human being is available. I'll wait in line for a machine when I could walk up to a live person...kinda warped.
OtherJoel: So funny...and so true about people fumbling to use to automatic checkout. I have a love/hate relationship with the shopping mall. Like you, I remember how it was the 'cool' place to socialize as a kid. Occasionally, I still like to set foot in a mall. But, here's my weird hangup. Often, I will have mild panic attacks at malls. Really though, it can happen at any store--usually, when there's a crowd. But, they sneak up on me out of nowhere. Ugh. Why can't I be 'normal'? Then, I realize there's a lot of people in the same boat. Would love to hear your economic and social impact speculations...
Haha. You got a cell phone! cfdxprt: you taking notes? ;)
Dazie: Bless you. How could I forget the pizza thing? Yes, online pizza ordering has changed my life! I've only ordered pizza on the phone twice in my life (I'm good at manipulating others to do the dirty work). Now, I can order pizza when I'm alone! But, still...ya gotta go to the damn door and talk to a person. ;) Did I mention people scare me?
Todd (anonymous) says…
Wow, I followed the link to that book (The Introvert Advantage) and it claims a quarter of the population are introverts while the rest are extroverts. In my own experience I've found the ratio going the other way. (3/4 introverts) My family and my in-laws are over half introverts.
liz (Liz Weslander) says…
As an introvert and parent of "shy" children, I've wanted to write about this subject for a long time, so it's nice to see someone else is thinking about it. It's truly ironic that, in general, society embraces and celebrates extroverts but has created all these ways to keeps us from interacting with each other. However, I'm not sure that talking with the bank teller or pizza guy really does much for shy people one way or the other. Community, connection, and a place to feel comfortable will. I know a handful of shy people who have found love on the interent (you are among tham if I'm not mistaken), and I do think that it's a viable, although somewhat limiting, form of community for the the intorverts and shy folks in the world.
I have a whole essay in me somewhere on how the extroverts of the world react to shy kids and how many clucks of disapproval parents of shy kids get. The short version is, for the love of god, if a child is not an attention lover, don't take it personally, give the child some space, don't assume that the parents haven't briefed their kids on basic ettiquitte.
Todd (anonymous) says…
Thing about talking to shy folks for me is that I can't tell if they want me to continue talking with them or not. If people stare like a deer into the headlights you have no clue if you are making them uncomfortable or what. In my youth I just avoided anyone shy altogether to avoid the chance at upsetting them. Then I found out that makes shy people uncomfortable too. (yet being shy they won't speak up)
mitzibel (Misty Nuckolls) says…
I freaking love all of the abovementioned technologies, dammit. I'm not shy, I just don't *like* people. These conveniences are such a godsend not so much for me, but for the hapless individuals who used to have to deal with my grumpy ass in the midst of a crowd-and-consumerism-induced anxiety attack (if there is such a thing as an anxiety attack that's marked not by anxiety but rather an overwhelming urge to do lots of damage to persons and property).
Dazie (Aileen Dingus) says…
OMG she's ALIVE!
cfdxprt (anonymous) says…
If it's possible I would actually say that I'm a shy extrovert. I don't do well in conversations with people who I don't know, I just sit there like a lump on a log. OTOH I can't go without human interaction.
I go and get halfway crappy coffee in the morning so that I can BS with the gas station attendent for a couple of minutes, while I have a coffee pot and good coffee at the office. I'll wait up for my cool roomate to get home so we can shoot the poop over what happened in our day. On days when I don't have a darn thing to do I'll run miscellanous errands so that I can give clerks crap - in the nicest and most jokingly way possible.
I don't buy into most technology, mainly because I'm strapped to a computer all day. There are benefits, today when I went to the bank to deposit my check and forgot my ID it didn't matter, the tellers know who I am - they can forget the ID check portion of the transaction...when I forget my money in the morning, I'll get loaned a cup of coffee or 2. I think it goes back to spending most of my formative years in the South, things go a little diffently down there...
That being said - I do love me some self-checkouts (as long as I can remember the codes on the fruit/veggies I'm getting). I guess there is a difference between interacting with a cashier who you have BS ties to, and one who sees hundreds of customers a day, and you're just another face.
beatle919 (Marcy McGuffie) says…
Yeah Todd, we shy peeps are difficult to figure out!
Liz: I'd like to see that essay of yours...oh-so-true.
And as far as the internet...its a safe haven for the shy and introverted to speak their minds and make connections. Introverts are often better at communicating through written word - so the interent medium makes it easier to reach out to others. But, sometimes people become so caught up in internet friendships and aren't getting out there in the community. Once upon a time, I never would have felt comfortable actually meeting people I've communicated with online. Just this past October, I stayed at a NYC apartment of a friend I'd met online. Crazyness! And I never dreamed I'd meet my soulmate when I started posting on L.com! So yes, the internet has definitely helped me learn a little more about the art of schmoozing...
Misty: You are such a trip...
cfd: Yeah, I'd label you as a shy extrovert. And thank goodness you have extrovert tendencies...because, you've certainly helped open me up to getting out there (in the big bad world) more. You crack me up when you BS w/cashiers or waitstaff. You certainly know how to make an impression! Remember, the Checkers lady said "you're so bad." ;)
sandy (anonymous) says…
wow, i just happened to stumble on this...i am a fan of The Introvert Advantage too and have actually recommended it to people who don't understand their introverted friends & significant others' need to re-energize alone, among other traits. funny how a discussion of newer technology led to a thread of discussion about a book. i think part of what makes some technology introvert-friendly is you don't get drained by having to make small talk when you're not up for it. (then, when you're up for small talk with people, they're surprised!) very funny observations here, a pleasure to read...
godjilla (Jill Ensley) says…
I've been holding back on commenting on this, and will continue to do so...but "otoh"?!
4 serious tho wtfomgbbq.
beatle919 (Marcy McGuffie) says…
Sandy: Hey there and welcome aboard! Thanks for your comments...I've never talked with anyone else who has read this book! The first time I read it, it helped me understand myself a bit better - and acknowledge that its not so terrible to be an introvert (or shy for that matter) afterall. Yeah, I poke fun at my 'social retardation' and often wish I were more extroverted...but, we have our good traits too.
Jill: Dammit, by not commenting on this subject you have spoiled my master plan to be labelled a 'douchebag stupid bastard' by you. Cuz, I know how much you l-o-v-e the socially inept...