Posted
by David Ryan
February 16, 2005 at 10:25 a.m.
Coming soon: the lawrence.com gaydometer™
From a concerned reader:_ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!I try to consider myself reasonably liberal (in some areas) but I'm tired of having gaydom shoved down my throat (no pun intended)!The most recent copy of Lawrence.com (deadwood edition) to hit my front porch made me choke.The front page is 99% gay - including artwork.And if that isn't enough the inside leaf shows a pig having intercourse with a chicken!__I'm not delving any further into that disgusting substitute for information - as for the coupons - I'm pretty sure those responsible can find some special use for the rag content._We'd like to apologize to the reader: our own internal calculations put the "gaydom" level of [the most recent Deadwood Edition][1]'s cover at 91.3%, with a margin of error of +/-3%.As for [the comic][2] on page 2, we'd like to alert the concerned reader that the pig was male and the chicken female, thus contributing 0% to the overall "gaydom" level of the issue (note: the beastiality coefficient was also unaffected, as the comic depicts fictional animal-on-animal sex).lawrence.com is sensitive (which adds 50% to our overall "gaydom" right off the bat, we admit) to its readers' concerns. So, to help our readers decide beforehand the relative level of "gaydom" in lawrence.com, and help them prevent their somehow "catching" gayness by contact with our publication, our crack programming team will shortly begin developing the lawrence.com "gaydometer"™ to alert readers when the level of "gaydom" rises above our normal baseline level.Do stay tuned. [1]: http://www.lawrence.com/deadwood/ [2]: http://www.lawrence.com/comics/
Comments
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monkeywrench (Tim vonHolten) says…
i sincerely apologize for failing to produce a 100% gay issue. i figured that the barney fife reference in "the week that was" would put us over the edge, but i overestimated the "furley quotient." again, i apologize.
monkeywrench (Tim vonHolten) says…
and kudos to our astute reader who noticed that a mere two letters differentiates "wilco" from "dildo."
wilco = 20% gay!
davidryan (David Ryan) says…
It should also be noted that animals have been observed engaging in same-sex sex in the wild. And there's ample anecdotal evidence of animals attempting to engage in sex with other animals not of their own species (think of your dog humping your leg).
So in that sense, the 3rd panel of the comic is simply depicting the realities of God's creation.
quinn (Patrick Quinn) says…
You revolting purveyors of homosexual filth are gonna get yours.... Apparently some readers are finally waking up. I had you pervs spotted from the second you decided to call yr rag the Deadwood Edition. "Deadwood" is well-known gay slang for something disgusting, I can't remember exactly what, but it's sickening, ok?
God, the whole country's going to hell... I had no idea Wilco was 20 percent gay, I guess I owe you that one, I s'pose Son Volt is 20 or 30 percent gay, too, there's no place that decent Americans can go anymore without having gaydom climbing up our legs, it's so depressing.... And my friends tell me the Clint Eastwood movie is about gay communism, that was a shocker, I never had Clint spotted for a Red perv, although I had my questions about that Sondra Locke....
Anyway as soon as you come up with a gaydometer, I want you to send me two of them. Make it three. We got more homosexuals, pigs and chickens up here than you can imagine.
monkeywrench (Tim vonHolten) says…
on further perusal, i feel i must take exception to the accusation that our most recent issue was only 99% gay. witness the following:
cover and cover story: pretty darn gay.
comic: whether or not these animals are different genders, they are still engaging in sodomy. gay!
ani difranco ad: ahem.
table of contents: men's nipples.
movie capsules: i don't know what a heffalump is, but it sounds totally gay. not to mention it's a pooh movie.
the week in news: incredibly gay. sam waterston love, basketball, fingering vanhalen, aids, donald trump, fred phelps, and someone named "lickteig."
the yellow dog: encourages a critical approach to the bible. GAY!
calendar: ani difranco and some girl on a bicycle. a bicycle! and the sage francis photo makes him appear vulnerable and afraid - of homosexuals!
wakarusa story: wakarusa sounds surprisingly similar to "may i sucka you, suh?" and we already know about wilco.
video game reviews: hey, they're video game reviews. sexually confused = GAY!
party pics: more men's nipples, enormous dangling balls, simulated foreplay with reptiles, and a lawrence.com radio ad that could also be considered sort of gay.
lists page: "on deck" features a photo of a mardi gras mask and albums by rufus wainwright, a tribute to jeff buckley, and something about doves, known for symbolizing peace - and homosexuality!
"tubers!?!?!": the name is gay enough, but one of the selected shows is about clothing designers.
"bound up" encourages reading.
sports blog: as if sports weren't gay enough, this blog is about fashion! gay bonus: alex galindo shares a surname with rudy galindo, a known homosexual and figure skater.
the creator of our crossword lives in florida!
this was simply a cursory read-through, and i'm convinced that further examination would prove that, indeed, this issue of the deadwood (hee hee) edition is at least 250% gay.
chrisgladfelter (anonymous) says…
Don't bitch and moan about having "gayness" shoved in your face. Look at how frequently everyone in this country is subjected to heterosexual images on TV, on the radio, in the newspapers, and so on. Compare it with the amount of representation given to gays and lesbians (excluding "Will and Grace") and then try to construct an argument. People need to get over their prejudiced revulsions and move on with their lives.
Did you notice the "Hi and Lois" cartoon on Valentine's Day? It was implied that the characters were going to have sex. No one complained. A few years ago, one of the characters in the cartoon "For Better or Worse" told his friend he was gay. Conservatives went ape shit. Does anyone else see the problem?
bwoodard (Bill Woodard) says…
Regarding the comic, seems to me this is an astute perversion of which came first, the chicken or the egg? So, which came first, the chicken or the pig?
Tee hee. I just typed "came." Twice. How freakin' gay of me.
monkeywrench (Tim vonHolten) says…
chris. . .
99% of nonidiots see the problem.
murderama (Rob Gillaspie) says…
Man, I thought being gay was a prerequisite for checking out this site... I'm only here to cruise half the time, which is how I met Tim VanHolten.
Bad_Brad (anonymous) says…
Ask Bob and Dan from Sports Radio 1310 The Ticket if it's gay or not gay.
http://www.bobanddan.net/ViewPageDeta...
Most recent edition:
1. Hanging your graduation tassell from the rearview mirror ten years after you left school. Move on with your life Gay Boy!
2. Asking your buddy to butter your roll or buttering your buddy's roll. Against Bob's objections - ruling Gay
3. Talking on your cell phone while you are peeing. Against the objections of Dan - ruling Gay, of course
lazz (anonymous) says…
First we risk insulting Big Business by only giving them tax breaks only if they agree to pay a "living wage" that smashes the poverty barrier by about six cents a day, and now we shove gay pigs (or was it a porker?) and chickens (or was it a cock?) at our poor innocent citizens? No wonder the Olathe Republicans so rightly call us all out for being Marxist academics who deserve to wallow in our own filth. What are we going to do next? Let women vote?
bwoodard (Bill Woodard) says…
Wow Lazz, you've officially crossed the line with that one. You must be one of them thar Homocrats or somethun. Just wallowing in my own sick over here....
OtherJoel (anonymous) says…
I think this blog entry is turning me gay -- damn you, Lawrence.com! *shakes fist in air*