Me love you long time

_What do you have to say about the theory that sexual desire decreases over time with long-term association? Does sexual desire naturally decrease within long-term commitment? - Posted by ladylaw on Oct. 11_Lots of things motivate sexual desire, some good, some not so good. The motivations can be physiological, psychological and relational. Regardless, sexual desire - the openness to, interest in, desire for, responsiveness to, seeking out of sexual experience - is a pretty universal aspect of the human condition. It might be useful to note that people over time tend to vary in the level of their sexual desire at relatively high, or moderate or lower levels of sexual desire. We are not sure why this is the case and it is not necessarily problematic at all unless couples with different levels of desire are unable to negotiate the inevitable differences that occur in every coupled relationship. Some people have high levels of sexual appetite pretty much all of the time and some have relatively lower levels of appetite all of the time. Neither is right or wrong, healthy or unhealthy, good or bad. They are just who they are. Do I think sexual desire decreases over time in long-term relationships? Not necessarily. I don't think fundamental desire decreased as much as it changes over time. I think our need to act on our desire may be less frequent, but our desire may very well be just as intense. Also, we may have less need to prove we are masculine or feminine enough or loved enough or valued enough, or wanted enough by someone, and that may change when and how we seek sexual interactions, but desire may essentially remain the same. If you think of sexual desire in purely bio-physiological terms, then maybe some decline occurs as aging progresses, but if it is occurring in a relationship, it is likely happening to both members of the relationship and may not be problematic. And yet in some instances desire would appear to increase over time as a person becomes more comfortable with themselves as sexual beings or become more comfortable in their committed relationship. In any case, there is always this complex interplay of physical, psychological and relational factors. Because some folks do experience decline in libido as aging unfolds, it is useful to understand some of the physical dimensions of desire. Sexual desire, in part, is governed by complex hormonal processes, like the level of free testosterone in both males and females, so that natural declines in testosterone may have an impact on desire. Sometimes medical or surgical interventions may have a result in lowered or loss of sexual desire. Some medications can impact desire. Depression often lowers libido. So there are lots of things that may reduce desire, some of which can be changed, some of which might be more permanent. But in all of these cases there is also a likely psychological or relational factor that would need to be considered. Changes in sexual desire need not be viewed as problematic, unless we get caught up in the unrealistic expectation that we can function as 20 year olds all of our life. I can't hike as far or as fast as I used to, but I still love to hike in the north woods of Minnesota. Changes in sexual desire can be just like that. If I tried to perform sexually as a 20-year-old, I would only end up injuring myself, but sex can still be just as good and sometimes a lot better, especially when it is not burdened by many of the unrealistic expectation of youth. That said, if someone has a rather sudden loss of desire they should seek medical attention, as such sudden or obvious changes in sexual desire may signal other medical concerns. Changes in sexual desire are usually very gradual and as such, they should be left alone and enjoyed for what they are - part of the unfolding of the human experience. One final note. Although changes in sexual desire can be the result of numerous issues and be varyingly problematic, the most frequent problem I see in couples is their inability to accommodate differences and negotiate a satisfactory interaction pattern that satisfies both. They often just need to be reminded that some satisfying sexual interaction is a whole lot better than no sexual interaction at all.

Comments

your_mileage_may_vary 17 years, 6 months ago

But it's just so damned predictable after 35 years!

Terry Bush 17 years, 6 months ago

Whew - that is a complete answer to a rather off the cuff question! Thanks! And youmileagemayvary - although he's not my favorite comedian, Jeff Foxworthy does a bit about why sex with his long time wife is so much better then it is/was with a new/strange person. He said something along these lines: "I love married sex. After all these years together, I know I'm going to enjoy it, and so does she. I know the combination to that safe - 3 to the left, 2 to the right, 6 to the left and then Wheeeeeeee......and you are welcome baby." So, if predictability is a BAD thing in terms of your sexual inclinations, I guess you have a thing for surprises (good or otherwise). If I can predict that I will get pleasure, every time, then I'm pretty happy with that arrangment - !!

greyhawk 17 years, 6 months ago

You know, sitting in front of the fireplace post-prandially on Thanksgiving, I gave thanks for all of the sensual pleasures of life, sex being one of the more delightful pleasures. The flames suggested a metaphor to Dr. Dailey's comprehensive blog. As a log was placed upon the fire, it would take a moment to catch and then blaze brilliantly, flames extending up to the throat of the chimney. That's not unlike youthful sexual desire, especially a new romance. Lots of flame, quite bright, and it will singe your eyebrows if you get too close but it doesn't provide lots of heat. Not only that but it's darn difficult to get the perfect roast on a marshallow for your s'more--usually things end up charred! (The "amore" angle was tempting!)

Once the fire has been going for a couple of hours and you have a solid bed of coals built up, the occasional log will provide a good flame, radiate lots of warmth, and make it possible for that golden brown, gooey marshallow that you share with your significant other.
Mileage....long term relationships require some imagination...sounds like you may have to clean some ash and get some more wood. Maybe burn a pine log or two to get some tremendous cracks/pops and then toss on a pinion for the aroma, and some oak for a backlog. And if one doesn't tend the fire, it will go out, leaving everyone cold and without the benefits of this Promethean gift.
As exciting as it can be to break free of routine from time to time, there is also fabulous joy to attain through careful attention to every aspect of that same routine.

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