August 4, 2005
I've been lying low recently. By that I mean I haven't posted anything.I took some time off from work and my wife and I got rid of the kids for a couple of nights. This was the first time we had been completely alone since my son was born a year ago. Our anniversary is approaching and grandma kindly took the kids to the country to enjoy some farm life.With this kind of freedom you might have expected that we headed to Vegas or at least the Plaza. We decided to lounge in Lawrence. There were so many things that we wanted to do that kids either made impossible or compromised. Don't get me wrong, we have a great time as a family and our kids go all sorts of places with us. Look for us on the Free State patio after a family ride any night of the week. But we needed some alone time.We road our bikes all over town sans trailer and trailercycle. We went to a dinner with friends, headed to the Replay and then closed down the Red Lyon. We woke up in our own bed on our own time. We had dinner as a couple at Free State and stayed up late. If time would have allowed I would have loved to see Ghosty at the Replay on the Saturday the kids came home. We had a great time and we were ready to see the kids when we picked them up.It's amazing how fresh and exciting Lawrence is. It still catches me off guard in those moments when I wake up from my movie-daydream-daily-life. And there's so much more to explore.
Comments
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leslie (Leslie vonHolten) says...
A break from the sprogs is liberating for everyone. Friends of ours like to punctuate their kid-free evenings with simultaneous cussing and jaywalking. A good way to remember how the other half lives.
August 4, 2005 at 10:21 a.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
chrysanthalbee (chrys anthalbee) says...
we cuss and jaywalk with our kids. they need to know how the other half lives too.
August 4, 2005 at 10:27 a.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
Carmenilla (anonymous) says...
Right on, Chad! I keep thinking that my hubby and I should reign in our cursing (esp. when driving) but than I'll get cut off in traffic like I did the other day. I held in my rage and the words to go with it for the sake of my child. As I pull up alongside the offending driver I turn to look at her and she says (and I quote, verbatim):
"What the fuck are you looking at, bitch?"
My 9 year old was sitting next to me in the passenger seat. People ain't got no class! It was very disheartening.
And, yes, while the chilluns are away, take full advantage and do "it" anywhere you want. Be loud on purpose. Don't forget how much fun that can be.
August 4, 2005 at 10:41 a.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
chrysanthalbee (chrys anthalbee) says...
we're pretty sure that the oldest curses when we're not around. every once in a great while she slips. but for the most part she knows when to hold it in.
were doing something right though, she does not jaywalk!
August 4, 2005 at 10:55 a.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
monkeywrench (Tim vonHolten) says...
holding your cursing in when you're with your kids simply begins to teach them common courtesy in public - that the entire world is not their living room. Similarly, kicking the crap out of someone without manners after dragging them out of their car shows children that rude behavior has consequences.
don't get me wrong. cursing rules. i fucking love it - the more the fucking better. but i'm torn. some people just don't like it, and, although i'm all for making people uncomfortable, i'm getting to "that age" you've heard so much about, where hearing teenage boys behind me talking about fucking some chick's mouth while i'm walking down mass st. with my 3-year-old daughter irritates me quite a bit.
i say let them hear swearing in fits of uncontrollable rage at home, and then hone their skills in elementary school. i know it sounds new age, but it comes from the fucking heart.
August 4, 2005 at 11:26 a.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
chrysanthalbee (chrys anthalbee) says...
i agree tim. there's a big difference between the teenage boys' conversation you speak of and cursing because the dog just shit on the carpet.
August 4, 2005 at 11:29 a.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
Carmenilla (anonymous) says...
I totally agree, Tim! Its one thing to reign in the word fuck/fucking when used as an adj and adv constantly but its another thing entirely to reign in the cursing that goes along with stubbing one's toe or cutting your finger while making dinner.
We have tried (unsuccessfully) to find new ways to "say what we feel". The best ones we came up with were:
"Shut the front door!"
"Ding Dangit!!"
and my personal fav,
"You mothercracker!!!"
That shit just don't work...
August 4, 2005 at 11:35 a.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
Joel (Joel Mathis) says...
Carmenilla: I'm not trying to be a spelling dork, but I love that you speak of "reigning in" cursing.
That makes you the Queen of Cursing!
August 4, 2005 at 11:39 a.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
Joel (Joel Mathis) says...
And if anybody wants to kick my butt for that ... I fully understand.
August 4, 2005 at 11:39 a.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
liz (Liz Weslander) says...
I don't curse much, whether or not the kids are around. I once heard the philosophy that cursing is for people who are uncreative and/or don't have a big vocabulary. I know it's not true (my father has a filthy mouth), but I took it to heart. I guess I'm a prude. Anyhow, my daughter cursed for the first time on vacation last week.
Me: Well, looks like that Frito Lay truck that was sitting outside our hotel room has moved on.
My daughter: Damn!
August 4, 2005 at 11:42 a.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
Joel (Joel Mathis) says...
My dad was pretty hardcore against cursing or its simulations. He was against my childhood use of the words "gosh" and "darn" because they were approximations of the dirty words. He also didn't much like the word "butt" to describe one's posterior, though I confess I'm not sure what's so crude about that.
My mouth is much more towards the potty end of the scale these days ... trips home I very often slip, though I try not to, and I can occasionally see the pain in my father's eyes if I let loose with an f-bomb. He's a good man.
August 4, 2005 at 11:47 a.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
Carmenilla (anonymous) says...
Busted, Joel. I am busted. But I like the title anyway. Queen of Cursing. Bow down you lowly mortals!
Being busted for bad use of the English language makes me think of that line from "The Princess Bride".
"I don't think that word means what you think it means."
"Inconceivable!"
Also, Liz, what's with your kids and Frito-Lay? Just wondering....
August 4, 2005 at 11:50 a.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
monkeywrench (Tim vonHolten) says...
leslie and i sometimes refer to some "mountain farmer" that pissed us off that day.
i guess i'm one of those "time and a place for everything" people. our kids swear occasionally, but the 6-year-old does it in the context of the situation. i'm not going to pretend that i can keep my children from swearing, but even at a young age, kids can learn that their rude behavior is not necessarily entertaining for the masses, and that a well-placed swear word carries more weight than profanity used as a crutch for a complete lack of anything interesting to say.
August 4, 2005 at 11:55 a.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
monkeywrench (Tim vonHolten) says...
joel. . .
you drop f-bombs in front of your dad? holy shit. my pa had the same attitude toward cursing as yours (i've never heard him swear in my entire life, while i've heard my mother say "damn" once and "hell" twice - but she was raised catholic) and i still can't bring myself to utter anything more than the occasional "shit" in front of him. i tell myself it's out of respect, but it's more likely his ham-sized fists and the fact that he used to repair his chainsaw/auger/baler injuries with duct tape.
August 4, 2005 at noon ( permalink | suggest removal )
liz (Liz Weslander) says...
It does sound a little strange, but I found it amusing that she chose that subject to curse about.
It's not just Frito-Lay. They are obsessed with logos in general and the idea that they can find them anywhere they go and they will be the same.One day they will find all our books that are from Penguin press, another day they will find all the Kroger stuff in the house. They point out the make of every car to me. I think it's a pre-reading thing and a product of being queit observer types. They may not say much to you, but believe me, they can decribe you in detail.
August 4, 2005 at 12:03 p.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
Carmenilla (anonymous) says...
Ah! Now I'm scared!!! What do the genius twins have to say about me?
"Oh she's that loud boisterous lady with big boobs!"
Greeeeaaat.....*wink*
August 4, 2005 at 12:07 p.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
Dazie (Aileen Dingus) says...
Both my kids have a spectacular vocabulary when it comes to cursing, but they've been told to keep it under wraps around grandparents, at school, and at church. We'll see how it goes.
As to vacationing in Lawrence- yay! I know I'm new, so EVERYTHING is exciting and shiny, but it seems like a pretty hip town to go dating.
August 4, 2005 at 12:07 p.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
monkeywrench (Tim vonHolten) says...
"They may not say much to you, but believe me, they can decribe you in detail."
liz, all i can say is, "oh no."
August 4, 2005 at 12:08 p.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
rednekbuddha (Kelly Powell) says...
You could try cussing in other languages. This will help your kids asorb differant cultures and make them polylingual.
But all you parents should know that your kids curse like sailors when your not around.....They may not know what it means but they are spouting off george carlins' list as we speak.
August 4, 2005 at 12:18 p.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
monkeywrench (Tim vonHolten) says...
and they're funnier than george carlin has been in 30 years.
August 4, 2005 at 12:36 p.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
thetom (anonymous) says...
Neither of my kids has ever gone to bed without a parent there, so our dates usually end around 8:30. But hell, we'll take it.
Our kids get a bonus for catching us swearing. It keeps them aware that its taboo without making too much of a big deal either way.
August 4, 2005 at 12:42 p.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
Joel (Joel Mathis) says...
Carmenilla: Sorry for the busting. I would've let it go if it hadn't allowed me to dub thee the Queen of Cursing.
Tim: Yup, I have dropped the occasional f-bomb in front of my dad, but I try to avoid it. What's funny is the two or three occasions in my life when I've heard him curse. It sounds so out of place that, even if he's using the word in great anger, I giggle.
August 4, 2005 at 12:56 p.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
chrysanthalbee (chrys anthalbee) says...
damn you guys like to swear!
generally i think cursing is benign, if not used for a lack of creativity. like a lot of things with kids i think if you make the rules too strict it makes it easier to become a "bad" person. and some people think once they've crossed over into bad they might as well go all the way. i want my kids to know the difference between bad (nod) and BAD (shake head disapprovingly).
but it sure was fun to have them away. carmenilla, we took every opportunity to do "it". thanks for caring : )
August 4, 2005 at 1:01 p.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
liz (Liz Weslander) says...
carm, they are more impressed with your brown skin and hair.
tim, according to Anna, you have a "black funny ribbon thing" on your desk. "Funny ribbon things" are among her obsessions.
August 4, 2005 at 1:01 p.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
liz (Liz Weslander) says...
Oh, and this cursing discussion reminds me of the "Holy Flurking Snit" chapter in Ayun Halliday's "The Big Rumpus."
August 4, 2005 at 1:11 p.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
Carmenilla (anonymous) says...
Ayun is such a great mom writer. She's one of the reasons I love BUST so much.
I remember a very funny exchange with my friend's 6 year old niece. She kept asking me where I was from (implying that I wasn't an American due to my "exotic" look). First I said Kansas. She said, "No, where are you REALLY from?" and than I said, "Well, I was born in Wisconsin." and than she said: "NO! Where are REALLY REALLY from?". I had to tell her the truth. I'm from Venus (and men are from Mars).
And Liz, one last thing. E-mail me soon on the progress of the blog. I've been busy doing some research on my part of the deal. Let me know where yer at on the whole thing!
August 4, 2005 at 2:15 p.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
Carmenilla (anonymous) says...
Oh yah, Chad, glad to hear that you "got some"!! I wasn't expecting a response to that comment but I'm relieved to hear that other married people still do "it"!
August 4, 2005 at 2:17 p.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
chrysanthalbee (chrys anthalbee) says...
carmenilla i told my wife and she said "hell yeah comment it!" [note the cursing]
August 4, 2005 at 2:34 p.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
Carmenilla (anonymous) says...
heh heh, you're wife must be so proud! I'm the same way. My favorite thing to say to my girlfriends when I'm leaving the bar is:
"I gotta go home and get laid!"
My single friends hate that because they know its more than likely true. There are no guarantees with being single. One of the many perks of a loving marriage.
August 4, 2005 at 2:55 p.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
OldEnuf2BYurDad (anonymous) says...
Well, I gotta chime in...
It is completely true: kids know all that you do about cussin'. But, the only way they can learn how to be a part of polite society is if they are impressed with the idea that it's still "wrong". If we say "hell, they do it anyway, so I may as well cuss in front of them", then they may lose touch with the idea that some things should be kept under control. For example, if they don't understand that cussin' is not something you want to just "do" all the time, then what other social norms might go out the window? Farting? Shoplifting? Farting while shoplifting?
I guess I see it this way: not cussin' in front of the kids will not "unlearn" them from cussin', but it sends a clear message that they probably don't want to do that in church. And, if you go to church with your kids, that has value.
August 4, 2005 at 6:57 p.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
chrysanthalbee (chrys anthalbee) says...
we definitely do not approve of any cussing from the speaking member of the kid quorum. we have to hide our laughs when she cusses appropriately but definitely send her the message that she should not do it.
farting on the other hand is held in high esteem by our family. i really couldn't have been prouder than when my daughter said (with a straight face) that she had something for me, turned around and then farted in my face. it was planned out, controlled and very funny. she got me good.
shoplifting is not condoned. we don't even like winona ryder.
August 4, 2005 at 8:03 p.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
lori (anonymous) says...
Okay, I am laughing at Tim's comments, because they are even funnier when you know that he sometimes is seen at his son's school sporting his "I'm all gay about hobbits and shit" t-shirt.
I am the worst about swearing in front of my kids, or anybody's kids. My husband thinks he doesn't do it, and was getting on me the other day, then turned around and said something about his "kick ass garden". I'm not the only one with a potty mouth.
Amazingly enough, despite my vocabulary, my kids hardly *ever* swear in front of me. I don't think I've ever heard my youngest one use even a "dang it". She usually says "Oh Maaaaannnn!" or just throws back her head and wails when something doesn't go her way. My oldest can swear pretty well, but it is always appropriate, and I rarely hear it. If she does let loose, it's usually with a "damn" or "shit" or "shite" and it's usually at a situation where I personally woudl have said much worse. Interesting enough, Liz, my oldest definatley has a larger active vocabulary than I do, so maybe that's why she doesn't need to swear too often!
August 5, 2005 at 8:16 a.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
Dazie (Aileen Dingus) says...
Lori- you bring up an interesting point- I would not consider "kick ass" to be swearing- definitely not something I want the kids to say in front of my mother, but not swearing.
What constitutes swearing anyway?
August 5, 2005 at 2:49 p.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
monkeywrench (Tim vonHolten) says...
i think "shit" should be a completely acceptable part of polite parlance, but i'm beginning to get a little sensitive about hearing "sucks" all the time.
i am clearly conflicted.
August 5, 2005 at 2:58 p.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
punkrockmom (anonymous) says...
I have never understood the aversion to "suck". Ok, written out that sounds bad and kinky, hence the quotes.
Anyway, our theory on cussing is there are places where it's not ok. Our problem is music. My kids listen to everything they can get their hands on. Then they repeat it if it's in a song. That's ok when you 3 year old is running around saying "I like to move it, move it." Gets a bit touchy at "Beat on the brat with a baseball bat." Imagine where it can go from there. Anyway, we've had good luck with the kids knowing where it's ok and where it's not. We do joke though the first time we get called in to school about it, whoever is there gets to blame the other parent.
August 15, 2005 at 7:22 a.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )