Posted
by Joel Mathis
December 1, 2003 at 1:47 p.m.
This rinky-dink blog
I've never really shaved. Not on an everyday basis, at least.For the first couple of decades of my life, I really didn't need to. Even after hitting puberty, my body steadfastly refused to produce much in the way of facial hair. I shaved about once a week -- but honestly, that was just vanity. I was 18; I looked 11. ![][1] Somewhere around my senior year in college, though, the beard kicked in. And, desiring to look older than 11 in my first journalism job, I promptly grew a goatee, which I soon nurtured into a full beard.It looked quite manly. Kind of like Grizzly Adams.![][2]And ever since, with the exception of a week here and there, I've been bearded.On my vacation last month, however, I had a whim. I wanted to see my face. And I shaved.The results confirmed what I had suspected: There's just not much chin there. Instead of a firm, confident jaw line, I have a lip -- and then my neck.So I probably should've grown back the beard. Except, for some reason, I don't want to. I wanted to experience what most men experience: The feel of the gentle breeze on my face.I've been shaving every day. For someone like me, who has sensitive skin that's not been regularly touched with a razor, the actual act of shaving feels something like this:RRRRRRRRRAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!Which is not a manly roar. It is a high-pitched scream of pain. You ladies who shave your legs regularly have my sympathy. Scraping sharp metal across flesh is not a natural act.The upside is I no longer look 11 without a beard. More like a balding 15-year-old.What I'm reading "Master of the Senate" by Robert Caro. It's a biography of Lyndon Johnson's Senate years, which sounds like it should be dry, but isn't. Caro is a wonderful storyteller, and his book makes a fascinating study of power. It's also interesting to see small threads that continue to weave in and out of history. Johnson, a Texas politician, got the lion's share of his financial backing from the Texas company Brown and Root. Today, that company is a subsidiary of Haliburton.What I'm listening to It's over now, but I sure enjoyed the "Thanksgiving Leftover Weekend" on 96.5. Four straight days of 90s music. Made me happy. A happiness that was tempered, slightly, by the realization that the music of my youth is now considered retro. [1]: http://lawrence.com/blogs/cupojoel/shave1.jpg [2]: http://lawrence.com/blogs/cupojoel/shave2.jpg
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Shelby (anonymous) says…
Man, that four days of 90s music would've been awesome...wish I'd've known about it. What were some choice tunes that you can remember, Joel?
dex (anonymous) says…
it's amazing how much better 96.5 sounded over the weekend when the dj's actually got to pick the music they played.
devil_fingers (anonymous) says…
Yeah, the 90s were pretty good. Songs or albums? As far as albums, NRG Ensemble's "The Hal Russell Story," Tim Berne's Bloodcount albums on Screwgun, and Brotzmann's "Die Like a Dog" have to be right up there with the only stuff from the decade still worth a listen. I'm not in Lawrence, did they play any of that stuff over the weekend?
Joel (Joel Mathis) says…
Shelby: "Detachable Penis" by King Missile has to rank as a highlight, even if it's just a novelty song. I was surprised to find out that I don't hate Better than Ezra anymore. 311 even held up well. Jon Niccum, our entertainment editor, holds a theory that there's always the same amount of good music -- it's just that in some eras (not the current one) more of it seeps into the mainstream. Listening to 96.5 over the weekend, I'd have to say early to mid-90s holds up pretty well as one of those eras.
Joel (Joel Mathis) says…
Devil_Fingers:
I'm a little teary-eyed that we've got our first posting from Canada.
That said: No, those albums and songs weren't played over the weekend, as far as I heard. The tastes were more mainstream than that. But still, to my less advanced musical palate, enjoyable.
That said, DF, when are you making me a mix tape? I'm ready to begin my education...
devil_fingers (anonymous) says…
"'It would quite satsify me too, my comrade'," [Socrates] said. 'But I fear I'll not be up to it, and in my eagerness I'll cut a graceless figure and have to pay the penalty by suffering ridicule. But, you blessed man, let's leave aside for the time being what the good itself is -- for its looks to me as though it's out of the range of our present thrust to attain the opinions I now hold about it. But I'm willing to tell you what looks like a child of the good and most similar to it, if you please, of it not, to let it go."
Plato, Republic 506d-e
Joel (Joel Mathis) says…
So does that mean you're not making the mix tape? Or are you lowering my expectations about the quality? Or that you'll just give me a list and let me go?
Stupid Socratic dialogue.
snowsleep (anonymous) says…
Joel - is the color picture your high school senior pic, before the beard?
Joel (Joel Mathis) says…
Snowsleep: Actually, that's this week. I'm telling you, the clean-shaveness takes years off my face.
Kittykat (anonymous) says…
Goatees are very attractive, ever thought about going that route again Joel?
Sara (anonymous) says…
I prefer the clean-shaven look. Keep it up.
Trillian (anonymous) says…
I also prefer clean-shaven men. It's a good look for you Joel. I hope you stick with it for a while at least.
Sucks that I missed the four days of 90's music too...
jeanne (anonymous) says…
I like the beard, but I told you that already. How about the hair direction (on top)? Have you decided? And hey, Grizzly Adams was much sexier than I remembered! Hmmmm. . .
pumpkin (anonymous) says…
Ahhh...Grizzly Adams...nothing like having a raccoon as your best friend.
In the summer my Dad has a mustache and looks like Captain Kangaroo. In the winter he grows a beard and looks like Captain Hazelwood from the Exxon Valdez.
Joel: How about growing some chops?;)
OtherJoel (anonymous) says…
I had totally forgotten about King Missile. I wished I had caught that thing on 96.5 -- I haven't turned on the radio since about 1995, when the last decent radio station in Springfield, MO went under (where I was living at the time). For those of you who were around that area in the early 90s, it was the Planet 104.7 -- great "college" radio from the 70s through the 90s: Pixies, Smiths, Joy Division, Gish-era Smashing Pumpkins, early R.E.M...). It was then sold to a big conglomerate, which improved its signal (which did admittedly suck beforehand) and eventually degenerated into the Gin Blossoms/Better Than Ezra/311 playlists that all of the "alternative" stations were playing back then. So I really can't say that I have become nostalgic for that stuff yet. As I write this, that Better Than Ezra song is stuck in my head, and it is not a pleasant experience. That singer doing that "whah-oh" thing in the chorus is as obnoxious as ever. Sorry. But I will defend 311 only because their first couple of albums were okay. Pretty original stuff for the time (at least I thought so back then), and they were (are?) a very tight band. But reggae-funk-metal songs about smoking pot can only go so far. Especially once you give up pot.
I'm usually clean shaven. I try a beard once a year or so, but the mustache part is pretty pathetic. I keep thinking it will grow at some point, but at 29 chances are I have pretty much hit my limit. I too have the weak chin, so back around the 311 era, I was sporting the chin-beard, but it would probably be wise to avoid going down that road again.
Joel (Joel Mathis) says…
So many comments, so little time:
Kittykat: I think the only way to make a goatee look good on me is to shave off all of my hair. While I'm clearly not averse to that -- I've shaved my head the last two summers (much to the horror and tears of my mother) -- a shaved head during the Kansas winter is, well, undesirable. But thanks for the suggestion.
Trillian: I thought you LIKED my beard.
Jeanne: I know I know you. But I don't know which one of you you are. You're not a British chemist posing as a woman again, are you? And: Hair, parted.
Pumpkin: Josh, manager at Rudy's, also encouraged me to grow the chops. I'm not so sure. I think I'd just end up looking like a wannabe Hell's Angel.
OtherJoel: Ah, it's good to hear from you again. Growing up in a small Mennonite town in the 1980s, I didn't have much opportunity to hear the "cool" alternative bands you're talking about. So when alternative became popular in the early 90s, it was a genuine revelation to me. I may not have delved as deeply into the music as I could've...
devil_fingers (anonymous) says…
Here's something I've always wondered:
"Alternative" to what?
pumpkin (anonymous) says…
Joel: Go for the chops! I'm sure they will fill in by President's Day and you can dress as a stodgy forefather!
Joel (Joel Mathis) says…
Alternative to hair metal bands and New Kids on the Block. Not to mention that 70s southern rock that was prevalent at my high school.
Joel (Joel Mathis) says…
Pumpkin: You're starting to sound a bit obsessed...
pumpkin (anonymous) says…
Joel: Not obsessed...just bored and cynical.
NKOTB...Ugh...
jeanne (anonymous) says…
Joel: NO! I'm the British chemist's close friend. I am a woman! I don't have to pose! Does that make sense?
Yeah, I think the parted hair would be my pick. I'll have to see it though. (Of course I also think Grizzly Adams is kind of cute now, so you may not want to take my advice on this!)
devil_fingers (anonymous) says…
Thanks. Now I understand. "Alternative" as in could never become a mass phenomenon, on major labels, or adapted to TV commercials. Sort of like Dylan and the Beatles.
Joel (Joel Mathis) says…
Pumpkin:
"Remember when we traveled 'round the world?
We met a lot of people -- and girls."
Yup, NKOTB lyrics. I'd have to say those are my favorite bad lyrics of all time.
Joel (Joel Mathis) says…
Jeanne: Makes perfect sense. It's just that the British chemist burned me once. Gotta be wary...
DF: Point conceded. "Alternative" is a bad label. That doesn't mean I didn't enjoy my weekend of 90s music; but like I said, I'm a willing apprentice.
pumpkin (anonymous) says…
Joel: I feel so ashamed. I went through an NKOTB phase (must have went to the same high school)...along with Hypercolors shirts and pegged jeans. I feel old...
Joel (Joel Mathis) says…
Pumpkin:
How tall were your bangs?
pumpkin (anonymous) says…
Joel: LOL! Damn...I wish I had a senior picture to email you. They were probably about a couple of inches tall. You can do amazing things with AquaNet.
What about you? Rat tail? Permed mullet?
Joel (Joel Mathis) says…
Pumpkin:
No rat tail. And no permed mullet -- I was a geek, but even *I* made fun of the one guy in my class who came to school with the permed mullet. Damn, that was ugly.
However: Mullet.
Later this week, I'll see if I can't post pictures from my ID cards through the years. You'll get a good idea of how the "Joel look" has evolved.
Trillian (anonymous) says…
Joel: You look good both ways. But I do like the clean shaven look best.
Haha....a permed mullet...that's freaking funny.
pumpkin (anonymous) says…
Joel: A mullet...classic. I'm sure you were cool crusing around...wind blowing through your mullet...listening to GNR. Yikes! Paradise City was my prom theme junior year. Sad...I hated high school.
Joel (Joel Mathis) says…
Pumpkin: I can go you one better--
Junior Prom Theme: "Welcome to the Jungle." Which narrowly beat out "Back in Black." The high school gym was decorated in camoflauge borrowed from the nearest National Guard armory.
It seemed rad at the time.
monkeywrench (Tim vonHolten) says…
chops! chops! chops! chops! chops! chops! chops!
monkeywrench (Tim vonHolten) says…
i'm not talkin' biker chops, either. i'm talking about waistcoat and tophat-wearin', victorian, scroogey chops. bold, majestic, fluffy chops chops chops! do it! do it do it do it!
Kittykat (anonymous) says…
Heh, anything during a Kansas winter is undesirable, Joel! I can see your point however... having gone from long curly hair down to my waist, to hair so short it's off my neck, I can definately appreciate the insulation factor!
OtherJoel (anonymous) says…
Admittedly, I wasn't always this cool, Joel. I remember all to well the age of butt-rock. Somehow I managed to go from Minor Threat and the Dead Kennedys in my junior high skater days to heavy metal in high school (a small town in southeast Missouri). I did not hear the Pixies until they had called it quits (1992). I only knew the Smiths and Joy Division because I went to summer camp where a lot of the counselors were eccentric college students with good musical tastes. My first real concert was Cinderella with Winger and the Bullet Boys as the openers. I was as big a fan of Guns N' Roses as anyone. Had a mullet as well for a while (these parallels are too weird... Maybe we are the same person with split personalities... Maybe I'm... eviljoel!). But when I had less of a sense of humor about it, I think I burned any pictures from that era. Anyway, just like many from our generation, one listen to Nirvana and I grew out the mullet, sprouted some chin hair and became Mr. Grunge. I think I burned all of those pics too...
CafeSiren (anonymous) says…
Re: permed mullets (I'm outing someone here, so those who hate gossip should skip this comment): Joel, I have it on good authority that a certain legal professional who we both know sported a mullet in high school. Not sure if it was permed, but it would have been the mid- to late-80's, so I wouldn't be surprised.
OtherJoel (anonymous) says…
Chops are cool. Big-ass 70s Elvis ones are the best. Maybe you could dress up like the King when you are interviewing folks for LJWorld. Maybe they'd give you a weekly column where you pick a public figure (or maybe just someone on the street) and interview them in character... "This is Elvis Presley for the Lawrence Journal-World, baby... Thank ya... Thank ya very much.."
Can you tell I have work here that I'd rather not be doing?
Joel (Joel Mathis) says…
Monkeywrench: I should get all Dickensian about it, huh? Even give myself a new, Dickensian name like Joel Blogsalot McSmiley. That'd work.
OtherJoel: Sadly, your high school concert experiences are cooler than mine. I only went to hear Christian rock bands that *imitated* the sound of GnR, Winger and the like. WhiteHeart had a rockin' song, "God Made Convertibles." Not CAR convertibles; PEOPLE convertibles! Sigh. I can never get those years back.
As for the EvilJoel possibilities: Do you look like me, only with a goatee signifying your evilnessness?
CafeSiren: I don't think lawyerboy has enough hair to do the mullet anymore. I can't even really imagine it.
Kittykat: Actually, I had a picture taken of myself today ... and am strongly considering a return to the shaved head. The hair just ain't there.
OtherJoel (anonymous) says…
No goatee. I try to be more subtle these days. Plus my lack of the ability to grow uniform facial hair is a pretty good deterrent. But I am evil, EVIL, I tell you!
Ever see Simon and Hecubus on the Kids in the Hall?
Oh yeah, Christian Metal? I have only one word for you, Mr. Mathis: PETRA!
Joel (Joel Mathis) says…
OtherJoel: I'm pretty sure we've had this conversation before. I drove to Omaha to see Petra in concert. You've got nothing on me.
Joel (Joel Mathis) says…
Seen and Not Heard Lyrics
Artist(Band):Petra
Words and music by Bob Hartman
Based on Matthew 7:3,5, James 1:2, Matthew 5:16
Too many black sheep in the family
Too many stones from a house of glass
They've heard the story, they've heard the lines
But talk is too cheap to change their minds
They want to see some vital signs
Convictions - in the way we live
Convictions - not a narrative
Actions speak a little louder than words
(Chorus)
Seen and not heard, seen and not heard
Sometimes God's children should be seen and not heard
There's too much talk and not enought walk
Sometimes God's children should be seen and not heard
Delayed reaction to hostility
Brings us into reality
Cause when we answer in our defense
They can see through the false pretense
They want to see some evidence
Commitment - no more alibis
Commitment - not a compromise
Actions speak a little louder than words
Let your light so shine in all you do
With an answer near when they come to you
Don't let your mouth start talkin'
Until your feet start walkin
OtherJoel (anonymous) says…
Can't top that one.
Joel (Joel Mathis) says…
Well, see, that's because I showed you some vital signs.
blacklit (anonymous) says…
I'm gonna fuckin regurgitate