Posted
by Joel Mathis
December 27, 2005 at 9:34 a.m.
Chunky and indebted
Here's my New Year's resolutions: Lose some weight and slice a few dollars off that credit card bill.Of course, those were the resolutions I had last year. And the year before that. My intentions are always good - it's just that, as the saying goes, they line the road to hell.So with the expectation that you'll find me here next year chunky and indebted, I've decided not to worry about my resolutions. Instead, I'm going to set goals for Lawrence and the rest of Kansas.Here goes:¢ For Kansas University: Make more friends in the rest of the state. The year started with a legislator grumbling about the "Marxists" in Lawrence, and ended with accusations of anti-Christian sentiment. That's not what KU is all about, but people outside Douglas County continue to lack the bigger picture. They need to know.¢ For Lawrence: To stay weird. (And yes, I do think it's possible to accomplish resolutions No. 1 and No. 2.)¢ For those who love Lawrence weird: To calm down and recognize that Lawrence still is weird, even when things change every now and again.¢ For Jayhawks basketball fans: To be patient.¢ For Lawrence Police: Not to seize the amputated feet from their rightful owners. (That one ought to be easy to keep this year, but I wouldn't have expected it to happen in 2005, either.)¢ For Brett Mosiman: Put on an even better Wakarusa Music & Camping Festival. The 2005 edition, with Wilco as the headliner, was tough to beat. But this town needs to see even more hippie dancing in 2006.¢ For Max Falkenstien: To have an enjoyable and spirited finish to your 60-year career announcing KU games. It's been wonderful for listeners.¢ For KU basketball fans: Seriously, you need to be patient.¢ For Kansas City TV news: To realize that there's news in the area that doesn't involve murder or violence. (Of course, I made that resolution last year, too, so I doubt it'll do much good.)¢ For Lawrence coffee shops: To stay classy. Don't change a thing, baby, you're perfect.¢ For Kansas football fans: To occasionally leave the goalposts up after a home victory. It's dangerous, sure, but it's also incredibly silly to be happening so often.¢ For KU's Natural History Museum: To let me have a ride on Comanche. I know it's against the rules, but I think we can work out something. Call me.¢ For Mayor Boog Highberger: To keep the nickname. I don't care what the other commissioners say, I love it. Besides, having a mayor named "Dennis" is a little too ... Topeka. ¢ For myself: To stop making Topeka jokes. Comedy shouldn't be so easy.
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j_d (Jason R. Dunavin) says…
Hey, can you point me to the "Marxists" thing? I don't remember that; that's funny. -- j.d.
Joel (Joel Mathis) says…
jd: The Legislature briefly considered a law to prohibit Lawrence's "living wage" requirement for businesses receiving tax abatements:
"Why should we not allow Lawrence to hurt its local economy?" said Rep. Mike Kiegerl, R-Olathe. "We all know that Marxism is alive and well only in academia."
http://www2.ljworld.com/news/2005/feb...
Joel (Joel Mathis) says…
Also: Vincent Schiavelli, one of the all-time "that guy" character actors is dead. You don't know the name, but I'm certain you'll recognize his droopy ol' face...
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001704/?f...
RIP.
weegee (anonymous) says…
Schiavelli...starred in one of the all-time greatest X-Files episodes. The one with Jim Rose...
MyName (anonymous) says…
It's kind of funny. My New Year's resolutions last year were about the same: Lose some weight, pay down debt, and try to meet more women. I've done a pretty good job with them (well, the third one needs more work). However, I think getting a different and better group of coworkers has done more to improve my day to day happiness than losing 15 lbs and paying down a credit card. It just shows that, for me anyways, self improvement can only take you so far.
Dazie (Aileen Dingus) says…
weegee- the episode was "Humbug" one of the BEST!!!
jayhawkanne (Anne Bracker) says…
Also passing away this past weekend is Michael Vale, the "Time to make the doughnuts" guy from Dunkin' Donuts. According to the news report I saw, it listed him as "Fred the Baker" for 15 years. That's a lot of doughnuts! I think I'll indulge in a doughnut on the way to work tomorrow morning.
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0883902/?f...
alicia (Alicia Henrikson) says…
Joel...
I think you can shed some pounds. I think you can cut some of your credit card debt. But I don't think you can stop making jokes at Topeka's expense. Some things will never change. Keep on truckin'!
Reynaud (anonymous) says…
Jor-El,
Do not allow peoples to convince. You are the sofa. You are the design of IKEA. You are the mennonite davenport--for comfort, not speed. Hoopla! Jor-El, you are very good.
En croute,
R.
Joel (Joel Mathis) says…
Ah: Reynaud always provides me with the best possible start to the day.
punkrockmom (Nikki May) says…
Great list.
Tater (anonymous) says…
Joel,
Not making jokes about Topeka is like not breathing air. I still make fun of Topeka here in Nebraska even though no one knows what I'm talking about. I'm patient about the KU basketball team...but not so much with the KC Chiefs.
CalGal (anonymous) says…
>
It's all in the perspective. I just moved out here from California, and get a kick out of the fact that most nights, the lead stories on the KC stations wouldn't even make the first ten minutes of news back there--if at all. Yes, there's always room for improvement, but believe me, you can be grateful for what you have now!