"Yippie-kay-yay MEESTER FALCON!"

I am a connoisseur of deleted profanity. There are few things in popular culture that bring me more delight than a movie - once full of cursing - neutered for broadcast television.Often, the neutering takes the form of sound dubs: "clean" dialogue recorded over the original dirty words.Take, for example, "There's Something About Mary." This movie was so crass and vulgar that the term "gross out" became popular around the same time it hit theaters.But I caught the film on TV recently, and it was pretty tame. The famous "hair gel" scene, for example, was almost entirely gone. Instead we got a nearly inexplicable shot of Cameron Diaz's bangs curving skyward. If you weren't familiar with the original movie, you'd have no idea what was going on.That's not the funniest bit, however.Late in the televised version of the flick, Ben Stiller confronts Matt Dillon over some wrongdoing. Stiller looks Dillon in the eye and utters this immortal insult:"You're a frogging ashpole!"It was a little harsher in the theatrical release, needless to say.If I were a pop-culture purist, I'd grumble about the sanctity of movies. But the truth is, I often find the contortions of movie producers to be more entertaining than the original product.A version of "Beverly Hills Cop," for example, featured Eddie Murphy saying "Get outta here!" about 100 times, even though his lips appeared to be saying something else.My favorite deleted profanity of all time is in "Die Hard 2: Die Harder." Anytime this movie shows up on Saturday afternoon TV, I'm glued to the couch.Near the end of the film, Bruce Willis' character is about to exact final revenge on escaping terrorists. In the original version, Willis sneers as he blows up the bad guys: "Yippie-kay-yay, (naughty compound word.)"On TV, though, Willis drops his lighter onto a trail of jet fuel, and delivers the line this way: "Yippie-kay-yay MEESTER FALCON!"The words "Meester Falcon" aren't even said in Willis' voice. It sounds more like some flamboyant foreigner - scratch that, it sounds like an American impersonating some flamboyant foreigner. And unless there's a Meester Falcon in the movie, which I've seen a few dozen times, it makes no sense at all.Then again, what do I know? I'm just a frogging ashpole.


callahan 17 years, 5 months ago

Cleaned-up song lyrics can be just as entertaining.

Wasn't "gross out" way before that film? I seem to remember hearing that as a kid way back.

leslie 17 years, 5 months ago

I used to work in a record store, and we'd get edited promo CDs to play in the shop. My favorite: Prince's "You sexy mother-YOW!"

twiggle 17 years, 5 months ago

or in the comedy central version of the big lebowski....

This was a valued rug!

They peed on my valued rug.

They peed on your valued rug.

Donny, please.

Frank Dorsey 17 years, 5 months ago

Has anyone seen the VH1 version of Showgirls? There are terrible cgi bikinis on all the girls and about half the dialogue is changed. It's almost unbearably hilarious. Almost. It makes the sheer campy, trashy, so-terrible-it's-funny factor mulitply by a factor of 10.

OtherJoel 17 years, 5 months ago

Apparently TNT (or one of those networks) is running Sex & the City. Haven't seen much of the HBO version, but I seem to recall extended scenes with dialogue and exposed breasts. Time to get out more of the CGI bikinis, I guess.

Wish I had seen the TV version of 'Lebowski,' though part of me would probably be mad that they dare alter one of my all-time favorite films. But I'm sure I'd still laugh at lines about strangers in the Alps.

Jacob Kaplan-Moss 17 years, 5 months ago

My personal favorite is from the TV version of Get Shorty: "Judas Priest!".

God forbid we take his name in.... oh, crap.

MasterOfPuppets 17 years, 5 months ago

Once, I remember seeing a deleted-profanity version of "South Park - Bigger, Longer and Uncut" on Comedy Central. Trust me ! it was not an enjoyable experience watching that ... being a die-hard South Park fan and all ...

Joel 17 years, 5 months ago

MasterofPuppets: Yeah, a deleted-profanity version of the South Park movie seems, in fact, to be completely against the point of the movie...

ryanshawnassy 17 years, 5 months ago

lets not forget the famous Big Labowski scene where John Goodmans character Walter takes to beating up a persons car in the edited version he is saying ,"This what happens Danny when you meet a stranger in the Alps!!"

Aufbrezeln Eschaton 17 years, 5 months ago

"Thank you for joining us for this PAX presentation of 'The Sopranos'. Please join us next week from 9:00 to 9:03 for another exciting episode."

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