The limerick contest

I gave you a week's advance notice. Now it's time to see your creativity bloom!That's right, it's time for CupOJoel Summer Contest No. 3 -- the first-annual limerick contest.Here's the rules:¢ Precisely metered limericks are not required, but your limerick should definitely sound limericky, with the AABBA rhyme pattern. ¢ The limericks must be about a Lawrence landmark -- for our purposes, any widely known person, place or thing. ¢ Keep it at the PG-13 level. I know limericks are a terrible temptation for egregious dirtiness, but I'd rather this be fun than offensive. ¢ The deadline is 11:59 p.m. Thursday. I am the sole judge; the winner will be announced sometime Friday.Some of you have sent me your wonderfully written submissions by e-mail ... and I've lost track of some of them. Sorry. Please post your entries to the comments section below.Finally, here's my own, very mildly naughty offering._They say the Campanille looks like a giant willy. If that's the case Jayhawks should lose face, because overcompensation's just silly._Good luck!

Comments

chewyfally 14 years, 9 months ago

there once was a girl named brooke who frequented wells overlook scaled it everyday with boys she would play 'cause that was her fun make-out nook

dncinnanc 14 years, 9 months ago

Past the deadline, but I forgot to post yesterday:

'Twas a long night at Replay She woke up at noon the next day His shirt on the floor, But he's out the door, And once more the poor girl got played

Keith 14 years, 9 months ago

Back in my day shooting the square. At my side a lassie so fair. Mother's, the Stables, The Yuk ups pool tables, Nowadays Tazza's my fare.

I'm name checking places torn down, The problem with staying in town. The clubs move and change The patrons all age And townies keep hanging around.

These limerick's must come to a stop. Lest folks think my life's a bar hop. Those days are long over, These times mostly sober, I'm a weekend fan of the hops.

MyName 14 years, 9 months ago

Miss Kitty, you're my inspiration!

There once was a young man named Seamus, Who wanted to make himself famous. He set out to Lone Star, To discover a star, But alas! All he found was Uranus!

Joel 14 years, 9 months ago

Wow...

Silence. Dead, awful silence.

chrys anthalbee 14 years, 9 months ago

there once was a guy named joel who asked for comments of full he made a pitch today for everyone to play but the response is still a null

thetom 14 years, 9 months ago

roundabout driving in Lawrence angered a driver named Florence I covered my head cause the things that she said were expletives rained down in torrents

Her bagel had jelly by smucker the music was darius rucker when she hit the curb the resulting (uh) blurb had lots of things rhyming with trucker

inside her car was a mess outside, well take your best guess stuck in the middle like holes in a fiddle a landmark to driver duress

Well Florence was fit to be tied so shaken was she that she died about half the nation was at her cremation and even the piper was pied

so tell me class what do we learn from Florence's bad luck turn? Don't shake your booty and listen to Hooty you just might wind up in an urn

Joel 14 years, 9 months ago

And thetom renews my faith in humanity with not just a limerick, but a CYCLE of limericks. Bravo.

DavidRose 14 years, 9 months ago

Off nineteenth street we parked her car She loved that hidden reservoir With her web-clearing swatch She was all I could watch I miss you wherever you are

DavidRose 14 years, 9 months ago

Eh, I guess that reservoir at 19th & Constant, just west of Iowa, isn't really widely known (my bad) but it and its adjacent grove was her favorite spot. Oh, and she called her spider-web clearing stick a swatch like three times. sigh, if only I could turn back the clock...

Bo 14 years, 9 months ago

Off Naismith's a field house called Allen Where Longhorns and Sooners come callin' But last time around The Jayhawks sank with no sound 'Cause the shots of the Bison kept fallin'

I'm gonna try again later...

kansasborn 14 years, 9 months ago

What he fought for fills up the room. Memories of both faith and gloom. Battles he fought far and near. Was this tribute built too soon? For famous Bob Dole, is still here!

kthutch 14 years, 9 months ago

The writing on the wall is black defaced signature of some hack why is it called green the bathroom's so unclean Yet upstairs at the 'neck's where we slack

I fear for the Bottleneck's fate the end of the Lounge Ax equate the yuppies move in complain of the din and kill the best bar in the state.

Ode to beloved Replay All summer night we would stay Cheap beer at the bar drinking under the stars Until bartenders shooed us away.

liz 14 years, 9 months ago

Oh Paradise how I long for thee Breakfast just ain't what it used to be The girls at Milton's: too pretty The folks in white hats: just shitty Hobo eggs won't you come back to me?

Carmenilla 14 years, 9 months ago

I love you for that one, Liz.....I miss the cowboy eggs, meself....

trainyardzero 14 years, 9 months ago

My bike I kept stowed on the Westside Though it had no safe place to reside Upon one frightful day, A thief took it away, A New bike in East Lawrence I ride.

Joel 14 years, 9 months ago

I was a Grandma's Omelet man myself.

bhough 14 years, 9 months ago

"Go West and sprawl" was the developer's call. Now rows of tan & beige places Have sent the coyote to other spaces. You can't howl at a stripmall.

Carmenilla 14 years, 9 months ago

I grew up in this town that loves 'Hawks. I now have an aversion to jocks. But the music scene is more than alright. Its worth it to stay up half the night. I seriously think this town rocks!

(dude)

UKept 14 years, 9 months ago

My two cents--

The Eldridge Hotel is really quite Zen It burns down again and again Once it fell to Quantrill's arms Now it's lost all it's charms the locals give it zero in Ten

The Riverfront Mall did abort It's time at commerece was far, far too short City planners were sublime Cried out "C'mon, Marriott time" Now we hot tub right in the food court.

Shelby 14 years, 9 months ago

these limericks are fabulous ones like ammo for wit-spewing guns my favorite thusfar is about a fine bar called the Replay, in Lawrence Kans.........uns

Robert Kerley 14 years, 9 months ago

In Larry-town is a Free State of Beer Where folk do bathe in craic and good cheer Let flow the Stout and Ale! Nay glasses, use a pail! thake my kyes, i'll walk home, this tho near

DavidRose 14 years, 9 months ago

Downtown the people roam A scholar carries a tome Hear the musicians play Throw a dime a vagrant's way There's no place like home

DavidRose 14 years, 9 months ago

They'll never complete the trafficway From oppositte sides a compromise won't stray Agnes won't leave his dinner table And Jere's ponies like a quiet stable Give the thing up, your arguments are all so passe

DavidRose 14 years, 9 months ago

There was a player named Giddens At first it was nothing but infectious grins Then his shooting caused some strife And he got slashed with a knife I really hope he's better and KU wins

... bleh.

DavidRose 14 years, 9 months ago

After the decade of the band Foreigner At tenth and Mass was Comic Corner It was owned by Stuart The Hutt And stocked with worthless crap and smut When they closed I wasn't a morner

MyName 14 years, 9 months ago

There once was a man with a mullet Who was stuck with a near-empty wallet. So the Replay he sought. Pabst Blue Rib'n he bought. Now he sleeps on the floor by the toilet!

DavidRose 14 years, 9 months ago

If struggling with the morning's pace Mucher's is my favorite place Two with cream cheese And a small milk please Minutes later I'm ready for the rat race

Nikki May 14 years, 9 months ago

those cream cheese things from Munchers are good, but I never go there.

Here's a lame one, I'll try harder in a few minutes.

There once was a lake named Mary The fish all died - that's scary. Mary had a little bomb in a pipe That's fine neither got much hype A lake in the towm of Larry.

DavidRose 14 years, 9 months ago

Campus is the ground he stalks Indifferent to people and their walks But the road turned red And Lil' Fella was dead Long live the cutest little fox

close enuff rhyme?

Nikki May 14 years, 9 months ago

We went to a show one night. The protesters were full of spite Marilyn Manson played fast, free (No wonder they call it Granasty) And, that Phelps was never right.

Nikki May 14 years, 9 months ago

There once was a boy named Wayne He helped KU dominate the Plain. Mastered his craft Wound up 29th in the draft. Now a bass boat for the Senior Wayne.

DavidRose 14 years, 9 months ago

In blue and yellow stands Broadband Man Pimping their cable, internet, and phone plan Helping the damsels in distress Fix their dialup and satelitte mess Satisfied he proclaims, "I do what I can"

obuchanan 14 years, 9 months ago

There once was a coach named Roy who filled all the hoopsters with joy, but then he left town and everyone was let down, and got stuck with the dude from Illinois.

DavidRose: LOL, I remember Stu! I had a friend who used to drag me into ComicCorner.

DavidRose 14 years, 9 months ago

punkrockmom: The cream cheese donuts at Muncher's are the best. Especially at 3:40 AM and they're nice and fresh!!

obuchanan: Yeah, I definitely had one of those I'm old moments when I wrote that one. I'm really proud of myself for not rhyming Hutt with another, all-too-easy physically describing word.

obuchanan 14 years, 9 months ago

John Brown, he fought against slavery using means better known as knavery, Kansas was bled by the men that he led, but his stance was still one of bravery.

obuchanan 14 years, 9 months ago

Not technically Lawrence, but close enough??

Melissa Lynch 14 years, 9 months ago

There is a place called Lone Star Where there is a good view of Mars. But don't complain to us, If nude swimming is a must And we happen to see Uranus!

Melissa Lynch 14 years, 9 months ago

so i'm a little off on my rhyming scheme, but i wanted something bawdy... mission accomplished

DavidRose 14 years, 9 months ago

When Deanna reads the news I can forget all my blues So darned cute And smart to boot Deanna, you're my muse

obuchanan 14 years, 9 months ago

Ah, miss kitty, my fellow astronomy lover, we MUST go stargazing sometime... ;)

Joel 14 years, 9 months ago

In plenty of time for the deadline -- it's not until 11:59 p.m. tonight!

And bravo to all of you! What a great way to start the day!

chrys anthalbee 14 years, 9 months ago

many a good limerick i read some writ way past my bed now with each line i can't stop the rhyme this contest has messed with my head

i'm having a hard time reading anything now without being singsong.

Terry Bush 14 years, 9 months ago

I'M BAAAAACK........

There once was a place called "The Pig" which wasn't that cute or that big, but the people still came not for art, not for fame, but in hopes they'd see Joel or Rigg.

There once was a Field House of dreams where basketball greats played in reams now with ticketS so high only rich princes can buy It's a place to honor has beens.

We all used to go when we could to get home style Paradise food but now BBQ is what's great, is what's new; perhaps Frannie is now gone for good.

The wise ones declared that our bars should be good for our health, oh my stars, now you can't drink and smoke but you still have to cope with a state known best for faux pas.

A-round and a-round we now go so calm that it surely must show we cannot drive fast with our heads up our ass but it's sure harder to go with the flow.

There once was a bar dark and old with old couches smelling of mold so a guy once named "Ten" came to save and to mend but the ghosts have left the place cold.

We fought to keep malls from downtown; now places like Starbucks abound. Why can't all people see if we shun history a Hooters will soon make us proud?

Hobbs home hopes it will pass the test for all people with class Now all Border's foes have a place that will show what happens if you live in glass.

Our mayor drives a purple car and likes people who can play a guitar; we live in a place; where all folks have a face it's not perfect - but closer by far.

The Merc sells its products for more then the average grocery store but the things that they sell can help you feel well; at least that's what I'm paying for.

We look to Topeka and grin proud Lawrence is better then them but onward we grow and before we all know we'll see Wal-Mart greeters lining K-10

Bo 14 years, 9 months ago

John Brown carried the stink of piety And great great grandma Ellen disliked him, but quitely He'd walk the county named Linn And she'd let him in But his sons sat out side, quite right-ly

Family histroy is FUN!

Bill Woodard 14 years, 9 months ago

There is a small bar called the Pig, which smarty-pants locals do dig. O'er lattes or beers, the talk often steers, toward topics too prickly for prigs.

Bill Woodard 14 years, 9 months ago

Some nights downtown Lawrence appalls, but not 'cause of non-smoking laws. No, this has to do with a smell much like poo: A polluted, rank fart from the Kaw!

Melissa Lynch 14 years, 9 months ago

thank you myname, yours came out much better! i would withdraw mine for shame...

obuchanan, i actually know a lot of constellations but, alas, barely any can be seen with all the dang light pollution. any stargazing will have to be done in the "country"

thetom 14 years, 9 months ago

where I'm from the woods are so piney the needles a grown man make whiney but one thing I know wherever you go LL hast kicked limerick hiney

Robert Kerley 14 years, 9 months ago

When in the mood for foolery Let us wander, you 'n' me To a place o' food and drinks Livened with flirts and winks Which is called the Free State Broo-ree

twiggle 14 years, 9 months ago

There's only one place to go nuts, and it's always to do with Joe's Donuts; hot glazed or long johns, Croissants and bon bon's go there, you won't be a putz!

Jesus 14 years, 9 months ago

These rhymes are a mockery of The Proverbs and I insist that they be removed at once!

Joel 14 years, 9 months ago

If I had to guess, I'd say "Jesus" is either Rob or Jilla....

Which is not to say that Jesus is Rob or Jilla.

Robert Kerley 14 years, 9 months ago

There once was a man from Nantucket Who learned to plant corn and shuck it He worked at the Merc And smirked at his work For he brewed his beer in a bucket

chrys anthalbee 14 years, 9 months ago

i love how you can "Contact Jesus" just by visiting his profile. very reassuring.

Bill Woodard 14 years, 9 months ago

Our city of Lawrence's fate: A town that's blue in a red state, is something to boast, for we have the most of those who seek love over hate.

Bill Woodard 14 years, 9 months ago

Our part with the train is so cool, for Frisbee and lunch near the pool. But please gutter punks, desist with your funk---- stop using the train as a stool!

Bill Woodard 14 years, 9 months ago

Sorry, typo. That last one should have read:

Our park with the train is so cool, for Frisbee and lunch near the pool. But please gutter punks, desist with your funk---- stop using the train as a stool!

Terry Bush 14 years, 9 months ago

So - the contest is over now? Who won? Do we vote now, or is Joel our judge?

camst333 14 years, 5 months ago

Saw a reference to a "I'm What Willis was Talkin' About" t-shirt, but can't find it now. Any suggestions? Thanks.

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