Posted
by Joel Mathis
October 20, 2005 at 6:16 p.m.
Dagnabit, talk people!
I think it's been quiet on "da blogs" lately.Anyway, here's what I would've done if I'd won the $340 million jackpot in Powerball -- the jackpot I didn't win:¢ Quit my job. Possibly quit blogging and writing altogether -- I'm not saying I'm interesting now, but I expect I'd get really boring if I was rich.¢ Buy and restore a house in East Lawrence. Hire a chef to make tasty-but-healthy meals.¢ Buy a hybrid car. But a really nice one.¢ Pay off my debts, and the debts of my immediate family. Establish college funds for the niece and nephews.¢ Buy a small apartment in New York. 'Cause I'm that pretentious, but I'd also like to be here AND there.¢ Start a charitable foundation of some sort.¢ Buy one of those aluminum trailers and ride the roads.¢ Start a small but smart literary magazine featuring the work of fiction and non-fiction writers from the Midwest -- a "New Yorker" for flyover country, maybe. (But I'd be more a moneyman than hands-on editor; I have no idea how one goes about discovering wonderful-but-unknown writers.)¢ Sleep in. Every day.¢ Get a Lied Center membership.¢ Create a journalism endowment at Tabor College, my alma mater.Stuff like that. I fantasize about these things sometimes, but I know it's never going to happen.The winner...... of my ghost story contest is Misty. Yeah, I know, she's my buddy and a blogger to boot -- but hers was the story that creeped me out most.Misty probably doesn't need any more Lawrence.com swag; I owe her a drink or two anyway.
Comments
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BadEnglishMajor (Bethany Jones) says…
Misty may not need anything, but I do! I want some free stickers, dammit. ;)
mitzibel (Misty Nuckolls) says…
Woo hoo! I finally enter one of these things, and golldarnit if I didn't win! I'll hold your marker until I catch you down at the Pig one of these days. . . .
And I get counted as a Friend O' Joel. . .that makes my day, too ;)
DavidRose (anonymous) says…
I dunno, Joel. Lotta people are busy with school or tryin to find someone to fool around with to make the holidays less miserable. But more miserable, lol!! I dont know the married people and their boring excuses. Even I"ve been keepin busy. I feel as connected to some of this as I do to Billy Bush who makes me wanna drink bleach. That and I can't figure out how I ashamed I should be of being on this: http://www.lawrence.com/users/?page=1... I dunno. But congrats on YOUR 1000th (and plus nine!!) post, Joel. THat's joel. Joel's the man.
I like East Lawrence as much as the next person but I gotta cry bullshit. You can say you'd live there but no actual millionaire 340 times over would live in East Lawrence. I'd live some where real nice but secluded JDS style and just let senelity set in at a pleasantly early age.
I fantasize about these Maggie Gyllenhaal sometimes, but I know it's never going to happen. Imagine being Jaker's brother in law. Oh boy!!
mitzibel (Misty Nuckolls) says…
ANd to continue the previous thread, kinda. . . .
I would LOVE to see you attempt a November Novel here on the blog. I'm thinking about trying it for the first time this year, but I know better than to commit myself to posting it on the blogs, because then I'll never finish it. Besides, I've never attempted anything longer than about 2,000 words before (fiction, anyway), so I'm intimidated as hell about trying to come up with a plot. But if someone would lay in enough whiskey for me (hint, hint, Trey), I might be convinced to try. . . .
In fact, we should make Phil buy us ALL whiskey if we agree to post our daily fruits here. It's a tax write-off, anyway, and there are quite a few bloggers I'd be thrilled to see participate (Yes, Rob, I am talking about you, mostly).
Dazie (Aileen Dingus) says…
ahhh lottery money- wouldn't it be nice. Probably would have helped if I'd bought a ticket, but see ISOMLB for my take on that: http://www.lawrence.com/blogs/search_...
If I HAD played and I HAD won, here's what I would have done.
-I'd give money to my parents- in a way that they wouldn't have to pay taxes on it.
-Same with my MIL
-Buy a house in Truckee, CA and then sell it to my best friend for $8.47 so she and her family would own a home.
-Buy some land near here and build an Earthship. http://www.earthship.com
-Put a bunch away for the kids' college bills, my nephews' college bills and my friend's kids' college bills
-Give a chunk to the Fellowship
-Donate a chunk to charity, not sure which one
-Take a great vacation
And I'll take one of Joel's- sleep in. A LOT. *grin*
liz (Liz Weslander) says…
I once heard of a study that followed lottery winners and people who had become paralyzed over a number of years, and I guess the study found that the paralyzed folks were a "happier" lot. How the hell you accurately and quantitatively measure happiness, I can't tell you, but you get the idea.
We had this converstaion at breakfast yesterday and Eric said that he would pay off the house and buy a few extravagances, but wouldn't quit his job or anything. We all know that last part is load of crap, but he doesn't buy the fact that millions of dollars is a reason to change your life.
Philanthropy, multiple homes, and travel would be my lottery riches priorities. I would love to do a "travel the world for three years and call it homeschool" stint with my kids when they hit jr. high.
rpk (Robert Kerley) says…
"and I guess the study found that the paralyzed folks were a "happier" lot...."
There is a great deal satisfaction involved in attaining a goal or overcoming an obstacle. I'd think winning the lottery would essentially eliminate any obstacles except those that can't be overcome, such as terminal illness. So, I can see how that might pan out.
Nevertheless, if *I* won the lottery, it would be different... ;^]
Todd (anonymous) says…
Didn't Bare Naked Ladies have a song about this :) Screw Kraft Dinner after you win the lotto.
Call me nutz but I've always wanted to revitalize neighborhoods, whole neighborhoods. For instance, instead of remodeling one house in east larry you could do a whole block. THEN since you have loads of cash you could give private mortgages out at 0% interest so working people could live there.
Travel to Africa and start an empire. You know, build an army and use it to bring some small part of Africa out of the dark ages. Or maybe you need Bill Gates money for that.
Foot the bill for mass transit in a small town. Heck, design a new part of town and start to build it with no private automobile access at all.
Run for or buy a political office :(
Or just invest it and become uber-rich.
Dazie (Aileen Dingus) says…
Todd- but we like Kraft Dinner. So we'll eat it with dijon ketchup.
cfdxprt (anonymous) says…
If I won the lottery I would:
a) Pay off all my debts (not much)
b) Establish a trust fund so my niece had lotsa money after she turned 18 - but didn't know about it until she selected a college.
c) Buy my parents a phat house
d) Buy my sis a phat house
e) Pay off all the debts of my workplace - heck, I'd probably buy it, then decide if I wanted to work anymore
f) Buy a McLaren F1 and drive as fast as I wanted to all the time. I can afford the speeding tickets - if they can catch me.
g) In defernce to a certain blogger who has helped fuel my paranoia, I'd take half of it and buy gold and silver
h) Buy ME an airplane.
a.1) Should go first but I'm not relettering the entire list...If I won 340M 5 mil would go to the Red Cross and 5M to the Salvation Army - first thing.
So, yes there's another blog talking about the lottery is a tax on those who don't know mathematics - here's the mathematician of these blogs telling you some of the things he's fantasized about. If you don't play, you can't win.
I'm down about $30 this year on lottery tickets, darn it that's a bottle of good gin...
Todd (anonymous) says…
buying gold/silver ;) Knew someone would post that. How about an underground concrete bunker with it's own water supply? (heck, why not your own ecosystem too?)
This question reminds me of that part of Office Space....(love and live that movie)
[Peter, Michael, and Samir around copier]
Peter Gibbons: Our high school guidance counselor used to ask us what you'd do if you had a million dollars and you didn't have to work. And invariably what you'd say was supposed to be your career. So, if you wanted to fix old cars you're supposed to be an auto mechanic.
Samir: So what did you say?
Peter Gibbons: I never had an answer. I guess that's why I'm working at Initech.
Michael Bolton: No, you're working at Initech because that question is bullshit to begin with. If everyone listened to her, there'd be no janitors, because no one would clean shit up if they had a million dollars.
Samir: You know what I would do if I had a million dollars? I would invest half of it in glorious mutual funds and take the other half over to my friend Asadulah who works in securities and
Michael Bolton: Samir, you're missing the point. The point is you're supposed to work out what you
[printer starts beeping]
Michael Bolton: "PC Load Letter"? What the fuck does that mean?
rednekbuddha (Kelly Powell) says…
I'd buy my own island and have pay for view gladitorial games monthly....The state religion would be church of the sub genius, and I would invite the phelps clan down for a protest.....Now if I can score some lions....
mitzibel (Misty Nuckolls) says…
If the state religion is that of the SubGenii, you should also have pay-per-view Yeti sex. . . .mmmmm. . . . .
kthutch (anonymous) says…
what do do with the money...
quit working. immediately.
get a masters in english, and teach if I get bored
culinary school
buy houses in estes park, lawrence and washington DC. Pay off the house in Wichita.
Travel the country visiting my friends and seeing good shows.
Spend a month doing absolutely nothing but eating and drinking in France.
Spend an obscene (not just perverse, but really offensive) amount of money at Love Garden.
Basketball tickets. Specifically Maui Invitational tickets so I can call my favorite Terp and taunt him from Maui. (sadly, his first thing to do with the powerball money was Maui tickets, too).
Pay off my sibs houses (my parents' is paid off). Pay off my best friends' house.
Pay for my nieces' and nephews' college.
Of course give a bunch to charity, but it's less fun to plan that.
Also, I will need a pool boy/IT tech.
lostblend (Keith Campbell) says…
You would need to win the lottery to afford a small apartment in NY...did you see that $475,000 will get you an entire 350 sqare feet.
http://ansoniarealty.com/sale.htm
Dazie (Aileen Dingus) says…
ooo- yeti sex!
beatle919 (Marcy McGuffie) says…
" Buy a small apartment in New York. 'Cause I'm that pretentious, but I'd also like to be here AND there."
Ditto that! $475,000 for 350 sq feet? Pocket change! ;)
*Also, my family would be well taken care of.
*I'd start up a charity to teach job/work skills to underpriviliged women (gawsh, I know I just butchered some spelling..forgive me).
*I'd buy my first childhood home here in Lawrence
*I'm sure I could find plenty other outlets (charitable included)...
DavidRose: I thought I was the only one Billy Bush had that effect on! And I saw a Maggie Gyllenhall look alike last week...the resemblence was eerie...
beatle919 (Marcy McGuffie) says…
cfdxprt: HALF of it into silver and gold?!? Ay, ay, ay...you are one paranoid dude...
rednekbuddha (Kelly Powell) says…
The thought of me or my kindred having sex on pfv.....eeeek!
cfdxprt (anonymous) says…
Does it make me uber-paranoid that I would also buy enough acerage to have a completely self-sufficient farm (biodiesel, animals, wind turbine, battery bank, guns...) and then take most of the rest and put it in foriegn currencies?
Maybe I've read too much Rothbard in my time...but as Chuck D said the other night, he's been watching the dollar devalue over the last few years in his travels overseas, significantly in the last year!
Let's just say that I wouldn't invest with the goal of making a lot more "dollars"...but I would make sure that my peeps and I were taken care of for many lifetimes.
baldwinCITY (anonymous) says…
what about world peace? she says cynically
Joel (Joel Mathis) says…
baldwin: (heh. Mind if I use J-W style when writing your name? Yes. Yes you do.)
Love world peace. If I can use my $340 million to ensure it happens, I'd do so.
Short of such assurances, I'd make sure my family was taken care of, I was comfortable and that I could make some positive impact on the worlld.
baldwinCITY (anonymous) says…
you're one given soul Joel....smart too...
(still haven't found the NYE cookie recipe!--the church cookbooks from MennoniteKansas have let me down...it's a challenge but the recipe will prevail)
ohhhhh, and for the above references to the price of space in NYC- I moved here from Aspen and when I order food and beverages in River City, I still ask "shouldn't I add $10-100 to that bill?" AND I have friends who pay $900/mo to sleep in hallways in Aspen...it's a whacky world, n'est ce pas?
Snoop (anonymous) says…
you know what i would have done with $340 mil? nothing not a damm thing. maybe pass out hemp bucks open a snoop cafe, bar, barbershop, sportsbar, start a snoop little league donate money to ku to have a building named snoop hall. just a few things!
darkangel (anonymous) says…
What to do with more money than you know what to do with. It would be fun.
First, of course, you have to figure out how to make it work for you so you never HAVE to work again (or your kids, or your kids' kids, etc). Gold, silver and possibly yen are good choices :)
Then you get to have fun. And quitting would definitely be fun!
I'd buy a house someplace warm year round. Travel whenever, where ever it struck my fancy. Stay as long as I wanted. Stay up as late as I feel like, since I wouldn't have work in the morning. Sleep in. I love to sleep in. Take care of family and best friends.
Charity, too. Keeping it all would be way to selfish.
Course, I'd have to play to win.
Sigh...
KawValleyKid (Nick Yoho) says…
If I were to get such a huge amount of money,I would hire my friends and family,so they could focus on the things they want out of life.I wouldn't give them the curse of a lot of cash all at once.I would have them "work" for me about twenty hours a week.A board of people who could help me decide how to best spend my money to improve things for the most people,and how to WAKE UP the most Americans who believe blindly in their political party,religion,country ect...And help them see that life is not about cash and using up the planet.I'd try to use it to break the corperate grip that is on the planet,keeping us burning gas and oil,when alternatives should have been developed and perfected decades ago.I'd invest in local farming and such.I would start some of my own charities,rather than donate to corrupt ones like the Red Cross.I'd probably travel to Amsterdam and Vancouver fairly often,lol.I'd hire some good teachers for my Daughter.What an interesting thing to think about.While wanting to live frugally and with a small eco-footprint,but able to spend and consume extravagantly! I guess I couldn't justify a huge house or two, multiple cars ect... And I wouldn't want them anyway!
BTW ,I finally got around to creating an account so maybe I'll be adding to the talkin'Dagnabbit!~peace KVK
Dazie (Aileen Dingus) says…
Sorry to have startled you in the Dillon's lot this morning Joel. I forget people haven't seen me since I shaved my head. *lol*
zigzagwanderer (Kyle Carter) says…
i'd become an alcoholic, get addicted to coke, disassociate myself with all of my old friends and start hanging out with celebrities, go into rehab, star in a reality tv show, start back up on coke, and then overdose.
Dazie (Aileen Dingus) says…
zig- can I be a groupie?
Joel (Joel Mathis) says…
Sounds like KawValleyKid wants to be George Soros.
beatle919 (Marcy McGuffie) says…
"Does it make me uber-paranoid that I would also buy enough acerage to have a completely self-sufficient farm (biodiesel, animals, wind turbine, battery bank, guns...) and then take most of the rest and put it in foriegn currencies?"
Um...YES!!! But the self-sufficient farm idea is cool nonetheless. Alright?
Dazie: You SHAVED your head--or is it just short like I've already seen?
Dazie (Aileen Dingus) says…
Beatle- just short. REAL short. Short enough that I got the "Who the hell is that do I have enough time to call 911 or should I just peel out of the parking lot" look from Joel this morning.