Posted
by Joel Mathis
August 14, 2006 at 9:04 a.m.
My nephew, the robot
![][1]My nephew Max is bright, friendly, talkative, imaginative, occasionally bossy and endlessly energetic - which is to say that he is 6 years old. Actually, he strikes me as more precocious than other children his age, but oddly, that only seems to highlight his very 6-year-oldness.We were aware of all these qualities - particularly the energy part - when we decided to invite Max to our home for a sleepover. But we had a plan that seemed foolproof: Wear him out before he wore us out.Those of you who are experienced parents already know what happened: The plan failed. Utterly.I began to suspect the jig was up about 30 seconds after we picked Max up in Topeka. He immediately launched into a detailed exposition of the adventures of Captain Underpants - there really is such a character, it turns out - complete with the joyful cry, "Stop in the name of underwear!"After that, Max began to pretend like he was a malfunctioning robot. I was in the front seat, trying to drive, but that didn't exempt me from the game."Malfunction! Malfunction! Malfunction!" he yelled."What's the malfunction?" I asked."I'm out of batteries!""Ah. Well, if you're really out of batteries, you would shut down completely - you wouldn't be able to tell everybody that you don't have batteries until they found you." Incredibly, this worked. Max slumped forward in his seat and went silent. For about 90 seconds.Then, a whisper from the back seat. "Uncle Joel, you're supposed to FIX me!"We hadn't even made it back to Lawrence yet.I took him to the pool. This was the linchpin of the "wear him out" plan. I've never seen anybody spend an afternoon at the pool and come away without needing a nap. Certainly, I needed one after about an hour.Max, however, has superhuman strength.There was never a nap. Instead there were two movies, pizza, a board game, a trip for ice cream and, finally, a walk to South Park in the hopes we could tire him out just a little bit so we could go to bed.It worked. Kind of. He slept, at least. I think.We took Max home to Abilene the next day; I was the one who was tuckered out, while he was rarin' for more action. I now have a new level of awe and respect for parents everywhere; I barely lasted a day - how do you people muster the strength to keep doing it for years?But it was worth it. Max told me he had fun. And truth is, we did too. We'll have him back for another visit sometime.First, though, I'll need a nap. [1]: http://www2.anaheim.net/images/default/articles/756/capt.jpg
Comments
Lawrence.com does not necessarily agree with comments posted below - responsibility lies with the relevant user alone. Read our full policy.
emawkc (anonymous) says…
It sounds trite and cliche, but it's true (at least for me): It's different when it's your own kid. Our 3.5-year-old has the same kind of energy (she has developed a facination this year for cicada shells). But no matter how worn out I get, it's refreshing to see the common, everyday minutia through her eyes.
Dazie (Aileen Dingus) says…
You still get tired when they're your own Joel. And they still go on like the Energizer Bunny.
But you get used to it.
chrysanthalbee (chrys anthalbee) says…
my stock phrase to people without kids:
kids are the most amazing experience you'll ever have and the biggest pain in the ass all in one.
and we haven't even made it to the teenage years..
beatle919 (Marcy McGuffie) says…
That's what I love about my nephews...ya get your kid fix, then return them to the parents (heck, that's what I liked about teaching too). That's good for now. Of course, I'm lookin' forward to having my own some day. Too bad ya can't zap a bit of their energy and use it for yourself. Now, that would be wonderful fix all the way around...
thetomdotdot (anonymous) says…
I used to get my nephews woud up and then send them home. Needless to say how popular I was with Mom & Dad. Too bad we living in different cities now so they can't retaliate (except over Christmas).
liz (Liz Weslander) says…
We spent three hours at the lake swimming in choppy water yesterday, and my kids were still chatting away in their bed at 10:30 when I demanded silence.
The last time I saw one of my children drop off from exhaustion, we had spent the morning hiking sand dunes (that sand adds some serious resistance) and the afternoon on a mountain hike, most of which required wading through a cold stream on slippery rocks. That's what it takes. A full day of non-stop movement in extreme conditions.
Unfortunately, I can't provide that most days.
alm77 (anonymous) says…
It's a little easier when you have more than one child. Then they can entertain eachother. Being a referee does get tiring as well though.
clayhill70 (anonymous) says…
I had a nephew kinda like that. He turned out great!
mitzibel (Misty Nuckolls) says…
Penny would run your nephew into the ground. There are days when I would seriously consider staking her out in the yard like a goat if we had decent shade.
gaiapapaya (anonymous) says…
I was just trying to figure out how I can wear my son out today so he'll get to sleep before 10:30. School starts tomorrow and I'd like for him to be rested. Maybe two trips to the pool are in order today.
I've always wished I could bottle my kids' excess energy. Also the complete lethargy they have when they are really sick. It'd be nice to use it at will...