Posted
by Joel Mathis
April 12, 2007 at 4:35 p.m.
Losing to the kitty
The kitty has defeated me again.The latest battle began earlier this week, deep in the middle of the night, when I woke to Annie the cat pawing at the bedsheets -- an attempt to shape our environment (including our various body parts) to her tastes. I reached for her, hoping that petting her would calm her down; instead she skittered off the bed and out of our bedroom.So I closed the door. And spent the rest of the night in blissful, uncatmolested slumber.Tenderly, I broached the topic with my wife the next day. I slept better when I didn't have a cat treading upon my kidneys at 3 a.m., I said. How much did she enjoy having Annie around during our rest?I was told the cat was not a sleep aid.Annie spends most of her time in dark, hidden places, so I went to bed Wednesday night unsure of her location. I turned off the light and closed the door to the bedroom, then stretched out.Fifteen seconds later: A cat on the bed.She approached, and I took hold of her. As you may know, cats do not like to be taken hold of; furthermore, Annie still has her hind claws. Long story short: 20 seconds later, my undershirt was full of little holes; my chest had two angry red clawmarks upon it. But the kitty was gone, and after the early conflagration, my sleep again delightful and undisturbed.This morning, however, I was informed that the kitty is, in fact, a sleep aid. And though my beautiful wife offered to endure, through various means, I knew the jig was up.You defeated me this time, Annie, but we'll meeting again. Unfortunately, that will probably be at 3 a.m.
and 6 others
Comments
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PatrickJoseph (Patrick Giroux) says…
JOEL,
Start sleeping with a aluminium foil comforter.
Joel (Joel Mathis) says…
I don't think you understand. The cat *is* a sleep aid. To my wife. And -- I don't think I'm revealing anything shocking, here -- I *like* sharing a bed with her. That's part of why we got married, instead of being good friends.
This is the math:
Joel likes sharing a bed with his wife + Wife likes sleeping with kitty = Joel is sharing the bed with kitty.
Ain't no aluminum foil gonna be allowed.
chewyfally (Falestine Afani Ruzik) says…
I hate cats. More than anyone sometimes. I would rather try to sleep with a freaking rhinoceros in the room than a stupid cat. GAWD I hate cats!
OtherJoel (anonymous) says…
Fortunately, I'm just allergic enough to our cats that, while we can coexist in the main rooms, they can't come into the bedroom. At first they would meow and fling themselves at the door. Then we put a baby-gate at the end of the hall. They jumped it. So we bought a second baby-gate and mounted it just above the first. Eventually they gave up and we were able to get by with just one gate.
Joel (Joel Mathis) says…
If any of y'all are eagerly awaiting the next Tocqueville post, it's coming Sunday.
lazz (anonymous) says…
Tocqueville on American cats would be nice ...
emawkc (anonymous) says…
I, for one, don't mind having a little pussy in bed at night.
What!?
thetomdotdot (anonymous) says…
Sleep aid whipped?
beatle919 (Marcy McGuffie) says…
I have the same friggin' problem times 2. Yep, two feline creatures in da bedroom. I do sympathize.
Often, I serve as a springboard so the weird, clawed creatures can make it to the window above the bed...often, I wake up cursing in the middle of the night.
twiggle (anonymous) says…
I too curse my cats at night sometimes... but then they settle down and start purring and... i forgive them and go back to sleep.
I'm such a sucker.
Kookamooka (MJ Browne) says…
My cat is in love with my husband and only my husband and we never see her until my husband surfaces, then the cat, like his little, furry, shadow, scurries around behind him until he goes to bed. That's when I meet up with her. I am her rival. She makes sure he stays pinned to his side of the bed, so I am blissfully unaware of her. But if I ever stray to that side of the bed, kitty lets me know that ACCESS is DENIED.
thetomdotdot (anonymous) says…
Kitty whipped?
ladylaw (Terry Bush) says…
My husband - who is a cat lover in his own way - soon banished my two cats to their own room during the night. It is a big room, with loads of kitty homes, food, toys, etc. So they're not being treated badly. But having slept with me since they were kittens, it did not go over very well - at first. They missed using me as a pillow and claw sharpening stone. Now, they wait to be put away each night. If that's not done, they stomp all over us in bed until someone gets aggravated enough to put them in their personal sleep cave. And they follow him everywhere. Turns out, cats like alpha leaders - even if they wish they were truly in charge.