Posted
by Joel Mathis
January 31, 2007 at 7:45 p.m.
On blogging
"The essayist is a self-liberated man, sustained by the childish belief that everything he thinks about, everything that happens to him, is of general interest." E.B. White, "Essays of E.B. White."Substitute the word "blogger" for the word "essayist," and White's observation is dead-on in the 21st century. I have no way of knowing whether White would have felt comfortable in the world of bloggers. On the one hand, the care he took with his words is indicative of a writer disinclined to rush to the computer at the appearance of the latest thought; there's slowness, a savoring, at work here. On the other, his essay subjects - the death of a pig, the adoption of a new pet dog - seem familiar in our modern, online, MySpace world.I mention all of this because you may have noticed - if you've bothered to stick with me this long - that I took the month of January off from the blog.It was a good break.Writing for public consumption, as White noted, is a wildly narcissistic act, and I plead guilty to the charge. I get a thrill out of knowing that others have read my words, that -- here at Lawrence.com, anyway -- something I've decided to put out in the world is sometimes deemed worthy of starting a conversation. What I've hoped, over time, is that the things I've chosen to write about are either universal enough or unique enough to warrant interest.Sometimes, though, I get sick of myself. That's where I was at the end of December. I was out of writing ideas, and I had enough other things to attend to in life that spending intellectual energy to say not much about not much seemed beyond narcissistic - it seemed an abuse of the privilege that is this forum.(And it is a privilege. Even if you've got a free account on Blogger, think about how amazing it is to live in a world where you have access to potentially broadcast your tiniest thought across the planet at little cost, and sometimes with little effort. But I digress.)So I shut up. It felt a little rebellious, frankly: Our society trains us to seize the spotlight and hold onto it with every last bit of strength. It's why washed-up sitcom stars go on "The Surreal Life" and humiliate themselves - hell, it's why reality TV is even possible. And it's why the public is bewildered when somebody like Greta Garbo or Barry Sanders walks away from their fame and to a private place.Being quiet felt good.And I may have rashly told a friend or two that I was done for good. I meant it, at the time.So why am I back here? I don't know. Take that back. I do know. I missed the discipline of writing. I missed the conversation in the comments. I missed trying to express myself through the written word; it's the closest thing to art I'm likely to make. And I am not Barry Sanders; I am not Greta Garbo. I do not want to be alone.So I'm back, but there will probably be fewer Lindsay Lohan posts in these parts. I hope we'll have some good conversations. But I'll still want to be quiet once in awhile, silent when there's nothing useful to say. ***Don't worry, the old, jokey Joel has not disappeared. That's why, on Sunday, we'll revive the annual tradition: The Live Super Bowl Blog, my annual celebration of commercials, sports and Rotel cheese dip. Once again, I'll be at a party full of Germans: Cup 'O Joel will be in da haus. If you're inclined, come hang out and we'll make fun of the Bud Light commercials together.
and 5 others
Comments
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emawkc (anonymous) says…
"...spending intellectual energy to say not much about not much seemed beyond narcissistic - it seemed an abuse of the privilege..."
If you're trying to make me feel guilty, it's not going to work ;-)
Joel (Joel Mathis) says…
No worries, emaw. That line was an indictment only of myself.
gccs14r (anonymous) says…
It's good to have you back, Joel. Your audience missed you.
thetomdotdot (anonymous) says…
Narcissism? Is that what you're accusing me of?
Joel (Joel Mathis) says…
Dotdot: I accuse you of only mildly dark roastery.
bloozman (anonymous) says…
Jeez, Joel, this isn't a job. You don't have to keep us entertained. Post when you feel like it.
Then we'll judge you unmercifully.
monkeywrench (Tim vonHolten) says…
wow. it took the whole month of january for you to figure out that, again, i am right. even about you. especially about you. i've got your number, fella.
morganalefay (anonymous) says…
This kind of insight is what I missed, Joel. As a "blogger," you actully reflect on what blogging means. Until I read your blog for the first time sometime last year, I thought nothing of them, because they are so narcissistic. You're different. You bring up real issues that are worthy of discussion - and then you throw in a couple fun things for good measure. Besides that, you write well, which distinguishes you from most bloggers.
I look forward to reading more of what you write. And besides, I consider you more of an "online essayist" than a blogger. Anyone can blog; it takes talent to write essays. You have that talent and I appreciate you sharing it with us.
godjilla (Jill Ensley) says…
Jesus, do you charge for that kind of ass-kissing?
Joel (Joel Mathis) says…
Hah! Jill, that's why you're still here -- so I don't get a big head.
thetomdotdot (anonymous) says…
Just for the record, fellow narcissists, dotdot's comment above, with its contextual timing, onion like complexity (which enrobes a Carly Simon reference), is the funniest comment ever made, and represents the pinnacle of the commenting phase of dotdot's brilliant existence. His off-line persona is beyond the age of embarrassment, which is good, but is becoming chronically dizzy from the dotted ones humour, which celebrates the diminishing spiral asshole colliding moment best represented by - you guessed - a dot. This abstractial tangent of dotness certainly does a disservice to dotness and the study and practice of dotness in all its dotness. The fact that his farewell is dragged in to the mud here confesses the addiction to buffoonery that, frankly, surprises both dotdot and his creator. And the passive voice is driving us all nuts (parenthetically).
The dot is the purest expression. The dot is more a symbol of infinity than the surrogate fallen 8 (upon which the design of our wedding rings are based). The dot represents everything. From the moment an 8 yr old boy sees the look of embarrassment in his visiting grandmother's eye when he catches her sneaking into the booze cabinet at 3 am to the terror that strikes the TV preacher as he stands at the very gates of hell. Denouement. The black hole of infinite mass and no dimension. The abyss. Whilst the proverbial butterfly flaps its Chinese wings, a casually placed dot on the non capitalized title of a young country girls literary magazine assigns mastery o'er the transcendent. The end of one sentence, prelude to the next. Its the point. Period.
I would drop everything and take up the brush if only I didn't know with conviction what my master work would be. A single black dot on a stark white field. So whats the point? Exactly. While no one else has an idea of what I'm talking about, I find it so obvious it needn't be said. Not a big market for that kind of shit.
Over the ear marauding tempest in my teapot, I offer the lesson here for all you fellow travelers in hopelessly futile desperation:
Don't mess with the dots.
..
thetomdotdot (anonymous) says…
"..only mildly dark roastery" my ass.
..
Joel (Joel Mathis) says…
Dotdot: I hope you're not really going away, or at least not going away permanently. Your darkness offers me a sublime roast, every day.
CafeSiren (anonymous) says…
Glad to see you back, Joel. I missed you.
Of course, if I weren't so lazy (and possibly crazy-busy), I would have written to you directly, other than my one "wtf happened to cup o'Joel?" e-mail. Mea culpa.
palavestric (anonymous) says…
Anyone who has read a good amount of E.B. White knows he probably wouldn't be a big fan of blogging or the computer.