Posted
by Joel Mathis
July 15, 2007 at 4:53 p.m.
Getting older
Not long ago, I was sitting and talking with a friend at The Bourgeois Pig when a little mathematical reality hit me."I'm 34," I said. "I'm precisely halfway between 18 and 50.""Don't say it like that!" she protested.Too late. In the weeks since, I've been obsessing about my waning youth -- seeing everywhere the signs that I'm never again going to be 20 years old - that I'm now as close to joining AARP as I am to getting old enough to vote.The creaky knees. The sore feet. The double chin. The fact that I'm on the high end of the 18-to-34 demographic; the realization that advertisers are going to care much less about me when my next birthday arrives.I'd ask for sympathy, except for two things:¢ You're getting older, too.¢ I've been enduring midlife crises like this every 18 months or so since my early twenties. I've either been blessed or cursed with a keen sense of time's passage; the result has sometimes been paralyzing, when I've let it be. I spent that decade dreading turning 30 - only to find, when it happened, that I was enjoying my life, which didn't have to end because of a number. Still, my obsessions were palpable enough that my little sister once told me I was the oldest young man she'd ever known.She's good at twisting the knife like that.Getting older is doubly hard in Lawrence. I've spent a fair amount of time studying Census statistics, so I know that anywhere else I'd be perfectly average. Here, I'm nearly a decade older than the norm, surrounded by young people with their flat tummies, full heads of hair and single chins.But it's not just that: My parents were young when I was born - not Appalachian teen parent young, but still. I was heading off to high school when my dad was about my age. I'm only now getting to a place in life where I can even realistically consider the possibility of intentionally having kids; realistically, any child of mine will start kindergarten when I'm older than my dad was when I went to college. It's hard not to feel like I've missed out on some benchmarks.And yet...Life is not a race; at least, that's what I tell myself. Even if it was, I probably wouldn't be faring too badly: I've got a good job, a great wife, and a roof over my head that's within easy walking distance of Lawrence's best restaurants and coffee shops. There are many, many lives that Icould've had that are a lot worse than this one, for sure.![][1]Truth is, I'm more than a little irritated with this aspect of myself. Our culture fetishizes youth to the point that people who are in the best position to age gracefully instead nip-and-tuck their way into monstrosity. Check out a recent picture of Kenny Rogers sometime, if you don't believe me. (I just dropped in to see what condition my condition was -- ohmigod, ohmigod AAAAAAAARGH! Take the mirror away from my condition!) I'd like to think that being aware of these forces makes me immune to them; instead, it just provides me with a more accurate self-diagnosis.Which is the best I can probably hope for. There's not much positive to be done about getting older; it's too late for me to live fast, die young and leave a beautiful corpse, so the next best thing to do is hold on tenaciously. And hope that age really does bring wisdom. [1]: http://static.flickr.com/49/140666049...
Comments
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Keith (anonymous) says…
There is at least one thing positive about getting older, it beats the alternative.
DOTDOT (anonymous) says…
You know you are getting old when somebody fears being your age in 16 years. What then?
Joel (Joel Mathis) says…
Dotdot, is that you? Why are you shouting your name?
Anyway, it's not that 50 is old, per se; it's just that it's *older.* And the last 16 years have flown by for me; it's not time's passage that bothers me nearly as much as the speediness of it all.
Does that make sense?
JohnB (anonymous) says…
"Does that make sense?"
Speaking for myself, as someone a bit older than you, Joel, I will say, Yes.
I'm somewhat past the midpoint of my life's journey but, I'm pleased to report, I don't yet find myself wandering about a dark wood. I have people in my life who love me and whom I love; my health; a job that I enjoy and pays decently enough and that, barring a serious physical or mental impairment, I can keep on doing pretty much for as long as I want to do it; children who, it appears at this point, are not likely to cause me or their mother undue social or legal embarrassment; and a sense that more remains for me to experience and do besides the various routines of living. Life is pretty good, in other words.
I think it's precisely for that reason that that sense of Time's acceleration is occasionally distressing to me. I'd like for there to be an accompanying sense that I have some time to savor all this pretty-goodness, and I don't always feel I have that. But really, in the grand scheme of things, that's rather selfish, isn't it?: I'm having such a good time, I want to be able to enjoy my Good Time. And I see that if I got my wish, the result might be that I wouldn't fully appreciate my Good Time.
Sorry about the length of this . . . seeing that I have less than a month before meetings for the fall semester begin turns one's thinking in certain directions . . .
Joel (Joel Mathis) says…
I just ran into a friend at the coffee shop who told me, in essence, to get over myself.
So I'm going to get over myself....
DOTDOT (anonymous) says…
Makes sense to me. The speed of it all. And, since I've been saying how fast things seem to go as I'm getting older since my early twenties, there is absolutely no excuse why I'm still so surprised by it. Don't blink.
There are conveniences, though. If you don't have a lot of old photographs around (I don't), then as the belly and breasteses grow, and the chin drops, and the bags under the eye that used to come out only on hangover day become permanent, and the neck skin starts to do that funky fifty thang, you can complain about what old age is doing to your looks. Nobody need know that you never really looked any better than you do right now. That is the beauty of aging.
As far as the dots, I am evolving. I wouldn't shout, but it's really hard to capitalize punctuation. Sorry.
slowburn (anonymous) says…
Thanks to your friend in the coffee shop.
bloozman (anonymous) says…
Maybe it's a matter of perspective, Joel. I came perilously close to dying at age 19 and was lucky not to become a quadriplegic at that time. Since then, aging is surviving from my perspective. On my 30th birthday, an undertaker friend of mine delivered me to work in the back of a hearse (Don't trust anyone over 30!). For my 50th, I bought a handful of big Hawaiian shirts (who knew back then my fashion sense was ahead of its time?) and spent the week in a condo on South Padre Island looking as touristy as I could muster. I'd be lying if I said I've lived every day to its fullest since July 23, 1969, but if I wasted some days here and there it was my choice and I don't regret it. I'm alive. Someday I'll be dead. Meantime, I wear the gut and the gray beard as well-earned indications of impending geezerhood. I'm looking forward to it; some of my friends are going to great old codgers and it'll be nice to codge along with them.
emawkc (anonymous) says…
If it helps, Joel, this phenomenon can be described in rational mathematic terms.
For example, when I was 20, a year was one twentieth of my life. Now that I'm 36, a year is one thirtysixth of my life. A much shorter interval.
So yes, mathematically time is moving much faster for us.
And yes, it does suck. Sometimes it's hard to carpe the diem.
hilary (anonymous) says…
I love aging. Not so much the growing of the belly, and hair sprouting from my chin quite quickly and randomly. But, being fearless, drunk and a loud-mouth when I was young is not nearly as fun as it is now.
slowburn (anonymous) says…
Geez, how old are all you people? I thought lawrence.com was a forum for the young and hip in Lawrence. I've since learned it's a place for the old and fat who used to live in Lawrence to spout their opinions that the people in the cubicals next to them couldn't give a shit about...
hmmm....
bloozman (anonymous) says…
Slowburn: Gee, so sorry to have intruded on your young and hip sensibilities. I must have missed the memo from lawrence.com that said discussions among people of various interests and ages on a broad range of topics were taboo. If I worked in a cubical, or even a cubicle, I'm sure I'd reconsider even talking to the poor soul next to me, in case that unfortunate fellow should run into you and offend you further with some intelligent, thoughtful conversation about a topic which obviously scares you. It's true, youth is wasted on the young. Especially in your case.
slowburn (anonymous) says…
A topic that scares me? Really? Thanks for the mental assessment.
I'm not scared of getting older. In fact, I'm looking forward to it. I can't wait to see my kids grow. What scares me is the thought of being a 35+ guy, wearing Hawaiian shirts and commenting on blogs.
"Intelligent, thoughtful conversation?" Okay.
slowburn (anonymous) says…
And how, may I ask, am I wasting youth?
Joel (Joel Mathis) says…
Feh. You're right, slowburn, this is not my best work -- way too self-indulgent. I'm a little embarrassed that I put it up, to be frank.
On the other hand, I know that you LOVE that that's the case. It gives you a chance to do what you do best, which is complain.
Actually, it's the only thing you do.
I know, I know, I'm not supposed to feed the trolls. I'm going to ask that everybody else practice what I'm preaching here; it's hard for me to do so because trolling - and slowburn, you most assuredly are a troll, even if you think you're a clever critic - smacks of bullying to me.
And you know what? I friggin' hate bullies. I always have.
If you're looking for a reaction from me, slowburn, you've got it, because I'm tired of your "contributions." So you win.
I can have a conversation with a critic, provided that critic is fair-minded and willing to give-and-take. You don't do that. You just tear down.
Joel (Joel Mathis) says…
Four more days until vacation. Four more days until vacation. Four more days...
DOTDOT (anonymous) says…
Bloozman, you older fart than I. Bequeath me your Ruby Starr vinyl!!!!
bloozman (anonymous) says…
dotdot -- You're at the top of the list to inherit that trove, in that you're the only one to have ever expressed any interest. Assuming, of course, that I ever get around to making a will. I am, after all, still young and hip enough to deceive myself into thinking I don't have to rush into that. I'm just saying ...