Lawrence.com

Uh...

The highfalutin' deTocqueville stuff will appear later in the week.

I can love "Solid Gold" and historic scholarship both, can't I?

MUCH HOTTER THAN deTOCQUEVILLE! This was the highlight of my day, I'm afraid.

Ya know, it's a damn shame Irene Cara doesn't get crossword-puzzle-answer royalities ...

It should be said that I wanted to post the YouTube video of the Solid Gold Dancers dancing down the week's Top 10 songs from some unknown week in 1985 -- big-haired hot girls in leotards playing air guitar to "We Built This City on Rock n' Roll" is a pleasure not to be missed.

But YouTube won't let me embed the video.

So here's the link.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DEOxxnuWQX4

"Dionne Warwick reminds me of soccer"

yeah, one of those sentences that when I woke up this morning, I wasn't really expecting to read or hear ... but hey ... i'll treasure it, no doubt ...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DEOxxnuWQ...

Oh my gosh...I forgot how much we rolled around on the ground during our "performances"-that made us really good SG dancers. Thanks so much for the link.

{Dionne Warwick reminds me of soccer.} Me, not so much. I'm envisioning more the psychic friend span of my life. In fact I think I called & was told I would never be a SG dancer so I needed to trade in my french cut leotard & leg warmers for a pin cushion & tape measure so I could pursue my real calling...selling suits in the men's department at JCPenny's. I could measure a mean inseam on perverted old men in western KS. This flash back has gone down hill very quickly so I will end it by saying long live the air guitar, bad perms, & hairspray (not necessarily in that order of course).

"It shall be unlawful for any person, while on the premises of a commercial establishment located within the city at which alcoholic beverages are offered for sale for consumption on the premises to expose to public view his genitals, pubic area, buttocks, anus, or anal cleft or cleavage, or to employ any device or covering intended to give the appearance of or simulate the genitals, pubic area, buttocks, anus, or anal cleft or cleavage."

Thats all thats left in the Bradenton Beach city codes regarding the anal cleft, but it made for fun reading while they tried to figure out who to cite at the beach for wearing a thong.

Since I can't sleep, I'll tell ya'll what started the whole thing.

Hot dogs.

In the early 90's there was a trend in the Tampa Bay area where girls in thongs ran roadside hot dog stands. Now, me and my dots have nothing against quivering tanned butt cheeks glistening in the hot Florida sun, no siree, but come on. They would set up during rush hour on a busy road, 19, 40, 60, Dale Mabry, Kennedy, Buffalo (Oops, now Dr. Martin Luther King Jr Blvd) usually right at a vacant lot so people could pull in and out.

Stay with me here. On a certain level, its a great idea. Its Florida. Rush Hour. 95YNF. Ron & Ron back when Ron & Ron were Ron & Ron. Its hot and humid. Its Florida. Fucking traffic. Stop and go. 6 lanes North and Six lanes South. Then there. Look for the driveway so you don't miss it. This ain't driving school, junior. This is break time, baby. With just the right herbal prelude we are talking the cure for the day and a brace for the rest of the drive home.Its not just the thong. Its the thong and high tech tits and the smile and the Florida banter and, yes, the hot dog, and yes, the coke. Maybe, You say, a quick blow job would top it off nicely, but I'd have to say thats over the line, so don't even bring it up, man. That would blow the whole buzz. Get back in the car and shut up, spunky. Learn to Ogle, Dude. A woman is a fine cognac, not an Old Milwaukee.

Anyway the enjoy was to be had on many levels.

1) Theres local preachers getting interviewed regarding the anal cleft. Choice. 2)There's law enfarcment working fenderbenders for the poor bastards in th outside lanes that were trying cut across to the aforementioned driveway. 3)But the image that sticks is the suited bean counters striding a puposeful gait to the string clad queen of their meat Hot dog and a coke hot dog and a coke. Look her in the eye you creep. But the point is, you never, NEVER see these guys out and about. Their glass building has underground parking. This is a builing and cars area. So what do you know? Thong girl arrives to commit a little food service, and within 10 ninute there's - guess what - Pedestrians? Guys in suits walking arounf with their hot dogs in their hands.

"...so I needed to trade in my french cut leotard & leg warmers..."

One of the most dramatic effects of the internet is the ability to communicate immediately, thus facilitating an audience anticipating gratification sprung from the loins of your broken dreams.

What I'm saying is you could make money offa those old french cut leotards and leg warmers.

Disgusted? Yeah, well, blame Al Gore.

Psychic friends reminds me of Gary Spivey who reminds me of Tampa where I was living when Bradenton Beach was working out thong legislation and I read the term "Anal Cleft" in the newspaper for the first time. (Peewee and his weewee were busted in the same jurisdiction in the same era).

I feel an overwhelming desire to point out the obvious: The song is (relatively) famous. Irene Cara, not so much. There will be interesting headline when she dies, "Not so famous singer of 80's hit song Fame doesn't live forever." (On par with, "I'm Dead, Jim")

I loved this song as a child. My sister and I would watch "Fame!" the TV show on our only TV in my mother's bedroom. During the opening music we would leap like gazelles (or kids doing bad impressions of dancers leaping like gazelles) and pound our feet in rapid succession on my mom's bed until we were covered in sweat.

Oh, this hurts. From this point on, Irene Cara will bring to mind the spectre of Peewee Herman in a french cut leotard.

Thanks, guys, for ruining my life.

{I love the "train of thought" examined with what to look for on the internet.} Yes the histoy button has done wonders for my adult ADD, but it hasn't done a damn thing for ability to unload an entire dishwasher in less then an hour (in that hour I've also managed to disinfect the garbage disposer, refill my salt & pepper, file & unfile 5-7 recipies, taken the dog for a walk so he can have treats & call my sister about the 1st communion dinner next month & a recipe for artichoke dip I can't find). Yes it is very busy up there, so when I do sit down to the computer I feel very in control.

As for {"Anal Cleft"}.... God that is like the term butt crack jam (same idea as toe jam). Yah, gross.

And PeeWee in a french cut leotard. Did he wear one in Pee Wee's Big Top? Can't remember. But I do remember my dad took me to the Shriners circus when I was little & the elephant I was riding on smashed my foot between a semi & him(her)self. I lost one of my brand new pink jelly shoes that my mom just bought like 2 hours before. She told me I couldn't wear them to the cicus, & I did anyway. Thank god I obtained employment years later @ JCPenny's where I could replace them at a discounted rate. ...misty water colored memories...