Posted
by Misty Nuckolls
December 7, 2004 at 5:16 p.m.
Temporary Insanity
So thanks to a suggestion from editor Phil and my own exaggerated sense of machismo, I now find myself entered in [Wednesday night's College Fight Night at the Ranch][1]. That's right, for some insane reason I'm going to strap on gloves and box a complete stranger in a little over twenty-four hours. Not that I'm not looking forward to it. On the contrary, I'm absolutely stoked. I'm just that kind of person. I'm an admitted fan of gratutitous violence, especially when the participants are all consenting and doing it for fun. My few enjoyable memories of Manhattan (KS) are of parties thrown by SCA lechers where we all got drunk as sailors and beat the hell out of each other with cane swords. Good times, good times. But, seriously. I'm 26 years old, and a lot of those were hard years. I just gave birth four months ago. I'm a heavy smoker, (I had a hiatus for the pregnancy, of course, but seven months' worth of clean air doesn't make much of a dent in 12 years of tar accumulation), an aspiring lush, and the last time I saw the inside of a gym was in high school. I get winded lugging the carseat out through the parking lot, fer chrissakes. What on earth makes me think I'm up to this? Nothing. I know I'm not up to it, and will probably make a complete ass out of myself up there. Hell, I may even chicken out--it's a distinct possibility. Sure, I'm a vicious little bastard, but this isn't a situation where anything is really at stake, so if it looks like it could be dangerous or overly painful, I'm going to turn yellow, with not even an iota of shame. But I'm pretty certain that I'll fight, and that it will be a most hilarious spectacle, one that you'll just kick yourself if you miss. I know that there are an assload of people on these boards who would simply love to watch me get pummelled, and this may very well be your chance. [1]: http://www.lawrence.com/events/2004/d...
Comments
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MAMAT (anonymous) says…
I shall not be attending (even though I was raised watching boxing with my beloved late grandma Schwartz and to this day can call boxing a sport without totally vomiting). Instead, I shall attend to your babe, and light a votive candle to the Mother Mary that nothing important (besides your pride) gets hurt! But I encourage the rest of the Da Blog family to go and support my girl with the (currently) blue/purple hair! She's one in a million; truly.
quinn (Patrick Quinn) says…
Keep moving and your hands up. Short, hard punches--don't swing for the bleachers. If you get a freebie shot, jab for the nose, otherwise work the body. The key thing is to keep moving and not get caught in the corner or against the ropes. And do whatever Burgess Meredith tells you, except that part about running up the stairs at the museum in Philly, which is now frowned on by the city.
The new logo is killer.
quinn (Patrick Quinn) says…
oops. my bad on the logo. love it anyway...
smerdyakov (anonymous) says…
Heck yeah! My sorostitute ass is comin to give you a beat down, bitch!
pc (Phil Cauthon) says…
quinno, you're awesome for giving serious boxing advice. and misty, you're my hero for straight steppin up. i'd offer to be your cutman, but the liberal application of vaseline thing is probably harder than it looks. (waits for monkeywrench's wit re vaseline.) godspeed tonight!
mitzibel (Misty Nuckolls) says…
Indeed, thanks, quinno. My husband (who is responsible for the awesome logo, by the way) has been giving me some last-minute coaching, and he kicks ass, so if I can remember it, I should be in good shape. smerdyakov, if you really are a sorostitute, I doubt you'll be in my mama-licious weight class--which is a good thing, it would be absolutely humiliating to get whupped on by some 90-pound tri-delt who takes Tae Bo five times a week. And monkeywrench--we're waiting.
Snoop (anonymous) says…
All I gotta say is you betta not get your ass kicked by no anorexic, prozac popin' sorostitute.
Make sure if you knock one down to stomp on that face with a big ass boot.
Anyhoo:. Good luck
MAMAT (anonymous) says…
Foot gear. OMG. What kind of foot gear is allowed at such things? Check out your opponent's - no cleats allowed!
Snoop (anonymous) says…
Whoever came up with the "Fisty Knuckles" on the front page of the JW website, needs to be the first one punched. That corny name is gonna get U beat down.
MAMAT (anonymous) says…
Go in there with a low cut blouse - that will distract the males long enough for you to slip some rolled coins into your gloves! LOL.
MAMAT (anonymous) says…
SO....where are the results??? When can we expect to see you on TV???
mitzibel (Misty Nuckolls) says…
The second blog will be posted when Phil rounds up the pictures.
damnitimpissed (anonymous) says…
HAHA. it's ok. i lost too.
your_mileage_may_vary (anonymous) says…
Pictures, must have pictures!
mitzibel (Misty Nuckolls) says…
Indeed! There's pictures, and video. Just for a teaser, my ass got kicked, and righteously so. The next chick to fight my opponent took three punches and gave in, so I feel better. Plus, I have a vestigal black eye! Yes!!!!!
MAMAT (anonymous) says…
Your fans are tired of waiting for the follow up - pictures, video, report!!! And I still think you should have stood there, chewing on raw steak (or had Trey do it) as an intimidation statement!Heck, I'd have done it I'd been there with you (instead of cowering at home hoping you didn't get hurt too badly!)