Stick It Under A Bushel, Already.
I think America could be greatly improved by the implementation of a "don't ask, don't tell" policy regarding religion. Or, better yet, let's just quit with the fucking around, abolish the Constitution, and go ahead and establish a national, state-sanctioned religion---The Holy Church Of Shut Your Fucking Mouth.That's right. Under my rule, everybody would be required to attend a weekly service (let's make it on Wednesday afternoons, would that be okay with everyone?) where we sit on hard, uncomfortable benches and sing rousing hymns such as "Bringing In the Sheaves Under Cover of Night So as Not to Annoy Our Neighbors", "And He Walks With Me, And He Talks With Me, Quietly, About the Importance Of Not Shoving My Belief System Down My Friends' Throats", and so on. Not too catchy, I know, but a hell of an improvement. Then we'd all listen from a sermon by a crotchety old fart (Or Jill--maybe they can alternate) about how nobody wants to hear about your walk with Jesus, or your enlightenment by Buddha, or that nifty poem you wrote about the Goddess last Imbolc, so let's just talk about the Royals and not have an aneurism.Not an abolishment of religion, per se, just an abolishment of the CONSTANT, INCESSANT BLATHER about it. It's not just the rabid Fundamentalists I want to shut up, although just accomplishing that should put me up for a Nobel. It's everbody. I don't want to hear about how double-ended dildos make Jesus cry, but I also don't want to listen to Mary Fucking Hart gush about stupid twits who think they're suddenly Quabbalic mages. If bracelets are the new ribbons, then religion is the new politics, and I'm sick of fucking hearing about it.Do I think that this would put an end to such nonsense as the ban on homosexual marriage? Probably not, but you never know. If the issue were presented just as itself, without all the Christian trappings, then people might actually be forced to consider the issue's social ramifications, rather than whether or not those other Christians over there think you'll go to hell if you don't oppose it. If they want to vote for it because they've decided the Bible tells them to, that's fine and dandy. I have no problem with that. I just don't want to hear about how their decision is more righteous than mine because they based theirs on some moldy old book instead of their own experience and conscience.So bushels for everyone, I say! That's right, go get one of those (whatever the hell they are) and jam your light right up on in there. Except for Bill. Bill and Tori Amos. They can talk about their faith all they want.That's all. I'm going to shut my own mouth, pry my tongue out of my cheek, and put both to a much better use, namely, the consumption of hard liquor.