Love Letter

So here in a couple of days, October 12th, to be exact, Trey and I will be celebrating our third wedding anniversary. I know that doesn't sound like such hot shit to a lot of you, but for someone who never imagined herself married at all (or at least not to someone who wasn't a billionaire octagenarian), it's a big fucking deal.So yeah, I was married before. It sucked. My ex-husband and I were both far too young, we married to get more financial aid, and we both had our own escapism issues to deal with. We made shitty spouses, at the time, and it ended badly. How badly, you ask? Well, at one point during the divorce proceedings, in the presence of lawyers, my ex demanded custody of our cats, citing my miscarriage as evidence that God Himself didn't think I was fit to care for another living being. Yeah. That badly.But by the time I met Trey, I had gotten my life together and was more than ready to settle down with a decent guy and do the whole stability thing. The fact that he showed up when he did is one of my chief reasons for not being able to totally deny the workings of a benevolent divine being.I am not an unattractive woman, and up until that point, the majority of my relationships had been carnal, to say the least. The fact that Trey didn't even try to kiss me until our fourth date made an even bigger impression on me than the superb Italian meals he'd been cooking me. (He later confessed that not staring at my tits during our first date was a Herculean effort, and the fact that he made that effort charmed the ever-loving hell out of me. When you've had a DD-cup since the age of fourteen, you are very much attuned to the eye-contact issue, and don't think I didn't notice that he was actually looking at my face.)But enough about the courtship. This is supposed to be about him. Him. My husband. The absolute, schmaltzy, Harlequin-paperback-worthy love of my life.My husband rocks. I have a great vocabulary, and I can't even begin to come up with enough adjectives to describe his awesomeness. Every night when he comes home from work I bury my face in the hair at the back of his neck and breathe in as deep as I can, and it's better than Xanax. It's better than heroin. It makes everything that went wrong during the day, during my whole fucked-up life, go away. In my head, I know it's pheromones, but in my heart, it feels like magic, the kind of magic I thought I'd stopped believing in by junior high.We've never had a fight that lasted for more than two hours, because he's fucking impossible to stay mad at. Not because he can manipulate an altercation, but because he's just that damn mellow and logical. He can take me at my absolute drunken raging hormonal worst and talk me back from that edge where I'm about to say things I can never take back, and what's more, he never holds it against me afterward. By myself, I am an irrational, vindictive, petty bitch, but with him. . . I know it sounds corny as fuck, but he brings out in me a person I never thought I could be. With him, I am something more pure, and stronger, and saner. Some people turn to Jesus to be better people; I turn to my husband.He wakes up at 4 in the morning to bust his ass 50-60 hours a week at a job he hates so that I can stay home to raise our daughter. He complains about the job, but never about its necessity. He never bitches about the house being a mess, or having to call Pizza Shuttle to deliver dinner because I'm too damn lazy to cook. He listens with patience and interest to me rambling on about inane shit I know he doesn't give a flying fuck about. He holds me when I cry and can't even explain why I'm doing so. He drives an '81 Honda with no heater, lives in a crappy apartment in the 'hood, and pirates his video games off the 'Net so that we don't have to turn Penny over to strangers forty hours a week and I don't have to live in a constant state of low-grade nervous breakdown dealing with the outside world. He doesn't make me feel guilty for not feeling like sex, goes out of his way to make sure I don't get jealous over petty shit like trading Magic cards online with hot teenage chicks from Singapore, and looks at me like I'm Chasey Lane even when I'm twenty pounds overweight and poxy with post-adolescent acne.The sex. Don't even get me started about the sex. Married people shouldn't have the sex life we do. And we don't even have to get kinky with it, just the physical fact of each other naked and willing is like some sort of super-high-powered-CIA-engineered Spanish fly. One look, and we're chasing each other up the stairs toward the bedroom like teenagers whose parents are out of town. In my sordid past, I've done fetishes, I've done toys, I've done swinging and role-playing and nearly everything imaginable, but that sturdy, furry man naked in my bed is. . . well, I've already said too much. Sorry, TerryMum, you didn't want to read that. But the point is, the thought of even touching someone who isn't Trey in "that way" makes me sick to my stomach. That's something I never thought my perverted horny self would ever feel.To cut a long story short, this whole blog is about how very much I love my husband, how he's given me not just a life I never imagined I deserved, but a version of myself I never thought was possible, not in this life, anyway. The fact that this incredible, amazing man thought, and still thinks, I'm worthy to spend a lifetime with. . . it just blows my mind. It makes me believe that I'm not my past, I'm not the sum of my darkest corners, I'm not the stupid, self-centered, corrupted piece of shit I used to think I was. If it's not too Hallmark-y to say, he makes me believe that I am indeed a worthy person. That he thinks I'm worthy of his love is a greater gift than anything else he could ever give me.And yeah, Trey, that means you're off the hook for an anniversary gift. Going to sleep every night by your side is gift enough for any woman, much less me.I love you.


Aileen Dingus 17 years, 8 months ago

:) That made my day. You're both really fortunate.

quinn 17 years, 8 months ago

He's a lucky guy.

Never apologize for stuff like this. At the end of the day, it's all that matters.

leslie 17 years, 8 months ago

On our wedding day, Tim's aunt Arlene told me that she loved her husband Bud more that day than ever before--after 45 years of marriage. I smiled, but in my head thought there was no way I could love him more than I did that day; my emotions were so overwhelming. Well, 9 years later and I am blessed to know that it's possible.

Sounds like you & Trey are on the same road. Congrats on your anniversary--and thanks for the schmaltz. It was a nice way to start the work day.

Todd 17 years, 8 months ago

Seems like you've lived enough for 4 lifetimes. It's corny but true... there's a perfect match out there for everyone.

Marcy McGuffie 17 years, 8 months ago

How about a big collective....AWWWWWW! I hate to use the word 'congratulations' in regards to a wedding anniversary...because I know there's got to be a better word. But, I'm incredibly happy for you. The way you feel--that's the way it should be!

Ok, I'm not one to get too sappy (unless I'm watching a terribly predictable romantic comedy)...personally, I've done all I can to avoid any lovey dovey "junk." But, these days...let's just say I'm a bigger believer in the power of love. It's funny how it comes when you least expect it...

Joel 17 years, 8 months ago

I AM one to get sappy. I fought off tears reading this at the coffee shop this morning. Happy Anniversary, Misty!

Carmenilla 17 years, 8 months ago

Just celebrated my 9th anniversay this past Wednesday. I too can't believe how the thought of kissing (or anything more than that) somebody else gives me the willies. I never would have thought my inner hussy could be quelled by a man who will someday have bushy ear hair. Just the thought of it makes me hot-to-trot. I guess my inner hussy has been unleashed on him til death do us part. Lucky guy....

And yes, congrats to you, Misty.

lilchick 17 years, 8 months ago

I hope that my boyfriend and I have that kind of connection....feels like it now but we're still in the 'puppy luv' stage (less than 6 mos). You have definatly given me something to aspire to. Thank you for sharing this aspect of you life.

lilchick 17 years, 8 months ago

sorry, brain fart....thanks for sharing this aspect of your life!

Marcy McGuffie 17 years, 8 months ago

oh gawd. seriously, lilchick. i think we're the same person. in parallel universes...this is beginning to frighten me.

liz 17 years, 8 months ago

You know what could make this even sappier? A soundtrack. Have you ever heard Aimee Mann's "Save Me?" It would be perfect.

Unconditional love is amazing, and it sounds like you've found it. I know it took me awhile to quit puzzling to myself about my own husband. "OK, he likes ME, and he's not asking me to change? I lose my shit in front of him, and he doesn't use it as ammo in future fights? He points out my good qualities instead of faults? Is this a working concept or a big joke?" Turns out it was a working concept.

Anyhow, here's to many more years for you and Trey.

your_mileage_may_vary 17 years, 8 months ago

the thought of even touching someone who isn't Trey in "that way" makes me sick to my stomach<<

(((( POOF ))) Fantasy disappears.

cee 17 years, 8 months ago

Happy Anniversary. And thanks for the sweet reminder about how lucky I am to have my wonderful husband, who puts up with my high-maintenance ass.

Kelly Powell 17 years, 8 months ago

At least you didnt mention shit like strewing rose petals on the bed....cuz I'd have to kill ya.

Melissa Lynch 17 years, 8 months ago

Oh Misty, you made me cry! Somehow you managed to find what everyone is looking for, and I am so happy for the both of you. Happy Anniversary!!

BTW- I caught the bouquet at my cousin's wedding, too! When do you suppose I get to cash in?

lilchick 17 years, 8 months ago

Sounds like it was a wonderful night!!!! Oh, and sidebar, Misty, I contacted that website and have been sending emails back and forth with the guy who takes those pics. Thanks for the heads up on the fact that he's looking for models...never thought I would EVER be one, but it's looking like my bf and I may be traveling to Tennessee for a photo shoot!!!! Are ya coming with me?

Terry Bush 17 years, 8 months ago

Yea - it made me cry too. Thanks for the fairy tale. May it have the happy ending you both deserve. As you love, so shall you be loved.

Life will throw you some curves, to be sure, but happily ever afters do happen...if you can hold onto the vision.

My parents married each other after knowing one another a whole 6 weeks. 54 years or feeling the way you do later..... the soul mate connection never ended.

I believe in true love and lasting monogamous relationships that are healthy and happy for both partners. I know it happens. I've seen it. I know that it is wonderful and wonder filled. I have no doubts. But I'm not nearly as sure as to how or why it sometimes happens and sometimes doesn't.... Like Melissa found what others only look for.

So why did you get so lucky? I think it has a lot to do with mutual respect and trust...but I'm not sure... What do you think?

I hope you realize that what you have is indeed something to be constantly treasured and cherished. Never take it or each other for granted! No one and nothing should come before your mate and your relationship. If both of you put all you have into loving each other, how could it not have an enivitable happy ending?

Aufbrezeln Eschaton 17 years, 8 months ago

Thanks, everyone. And don't worry, Buddha, we're much more likely to strew shotgun shells on the bed than rose petals ;)

So I got taken out to dinner and the opening night of Serenity. (It absolutely fucking rocked, btw.) Trey isn't the most verbally expressive of men, but he did say, "Thanks a lot. Do you have any idea how hard it's going to be for me to get laid after this? 'You asshole! I read your wife's blog! How could you treat her like this?' That's what I get for having a thing for hookers with hearts of gold."

Yeah, a shared fondness for sarcasm probably has a lot to do with our compatibility. . . .

Aufbrezeln Eschaton 17 years, 8 months ago

Oooh, I'll have to email him, but I doubt we'll be able to afford the trip. It would be spiffy, though.

Nick Spacek 17 years, 8 months ago

Married sex is awesome.

There's something to be said about a complete lack of fear regarding having to meet someone, STDs, and what the other person likes. You know, you take off your clothes for bed, and the next thing you know, you're making the bedframe shake in ways that it didn't even in the first throes of dating.

Crap. Now I'm horny.

Aufbrezeln Eschaton 17 years, 8 months ago

Jester, after reading your past comments, you wouldn't happen to be LOAF, would you?

Nah, if you were, you would've looked my ass up already.

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