Old Submarine Sailor
This courtesy of a real-life old Submarine Sailor:An old Submarine Sailor walked into a bar, sat down and ordered a drink. As he did so, a young woman entered and sat down next to him. She turned to the Submariner, saw his dolphins and asked, "Are you a real Submarine Sailor?"He said, "Well, my father, two brothers and a third cousin were on boats. I've spent my whole life riding boats. Snorkeling, deep dives, diesel boats, nuclear power, Med runs, Northern runs, FBM patrols, Arctic runs, SPECOPS, WESTPACs, runs to the Caribbean, Halifax, Faslane, Holy Loch, Rota, Guam, been on the Blue Crew, the Gold Crew, the other crew, done 90-day patrols, six-month deployments, two-a-days, been through the Ditch, across the Equator, under the ice, and up to the Pole, been to Pearl, Yokosuka, Guam, La Madd, Fort Lauderdale, San Juan, tracked Russkies, dodged P-3s, been depth-charged, torpedoed, tracked with active sonar, detected by SOSUS, I've built them, decommissioned them, overhauled them, re-commissioned them, I'm a Blue Nose and a Shellback, I've blown from test depth, gone Emergency Deep, rode Tridents, 688s, 637s, 594s, Skipjack and Franklin class, done drug runs, liquor runs, crazy Ivans, been in trail, used a Steinke hood, been through the tower, dodged Russian air power, fought flooding, fires, reactor scrams, stood watch on the BCP, SCP, EPCP, GDU and TDU. I got dolphins, a combat patrol pin, deterrent patrol pin and a DBF pin tattooed on my chest, got THRESHER on my left arm, SCORPION on the right, missiles on my back, and twin counter-rotating screws on my ass. I've drunk beer at the Horse and Cow, Scotch in Dunoon, wine in Naples, puked at Beamans, ate chili at SUBVETS and I ain't missed a SUBBALL since 1952, so yes: I guess I am a Submarine Sailor."The young woman said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women."The two sat sipping their drinks in silence.A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old Submariner, looked at his dolphins and asked, "Are you a real Submarine Sailor?"He replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian."