August 15, 2003
Even I -- with my unromanticized views of sex -- am baffled with "sexercise." You can blame my nonchalance on the gen-y, disaffected youth syndrome caused by watching 80s teen-flicks in elementary school and HIV/AIDS. But who's to blame for sexercise?Sexercise is phonetically obvious: the combination between sex and exercise, and is available for the sexual experimentalist or gym rat via [sexinfo101.com][1], a buns-of-steel-like video format or hardback.I found the Sinclair Intimacy Institute's Sexercize video at a bookstore in Boulder, Colorado last week. I wasn't looking for it, but happened to be in the sex book section. Go figure.On the front cover, a spandex clad couple pose in a soft porn worthy position while the back displays the same pastel-leotarded quasi-porn stars, fully-dressed, intertwined in "workout positions." I'm intrigued. So I look up sexercise on [yahoo][2] and come up with the 101 website -- fully equipped with pictures, exercise descriptions, and difficulty level. This whole concept seems more and more bizarre. One of the mid-section workouts for men involves lying down with his partner straddling his face about a foot above his head. With each crunch, he performs oral for 15-30 seconds.Besides this sexercise, the rest of the workouts are just "regular" positions: the wheelbarrow, doggy, 69-ing standing up and kneeling, and different forms of missionary and reverse missionary positions with added dialogue about how hard it is and which muscles each exercise/position works.From being sore the next day I already kinda knew, but thanks sex101 for spelling it out. I am unwittingly a master sexerciser! But seriously, this whole concept is just an example of how mechanical sex in our society has become. A hand job is no longer for pleasure, but to workout your forearm. Wait, no one really gets pleasure out of hand jobs, huh? Moving on. Okay then oral sex. Obviously there is no time to get in shape and enjoy carnal pleasure, we must combine the two."To lick my vagina, you must do a full sit up, bitch!"As I mentioned before, have no fear if you are not hooked up on-line, sexercise is available on VHS or DVD. Phew. And apparently the Sinclair Institute makes numerous movies for the intimately challenged. At [bettersex.com][3], the Institute's website, you can take a test to find out your SIQ (Sex IQ), which actually makes no sense because it truly has nothing to do with your sex intelligence quotient. By using your score, the institute's sexperts can recommend a plethora of sex-help videos. I was in need of about seven even though my score was higher than average. If you find no other excuse to check out this site, do it to find out your SIQ. Ironically, it's illustrated like a children's book with sundaes, etc. besides the burnt cigarettes, which represent what is most important to you: getting your partner or yourself off. Because apparently in the 21st century, there's not enough time for both of you. [1]: http://www.sexinfo101.com [2]: http://search.yahoo.com/search?p=sexercise&fr=fp-top [3]: http://www.bettersex.com/
Comments
lawrence.com does not necessarily agree with comments posted below - responsibility lies with the relevant user alone. Read our full policy.
Bill (anonymous) says...
I love you.
August 18, 2003 at 8:47 a.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
optimus_prime (anonymous) says...
act like you've been there before. bragging about your sexual *conquests* is so juvenile.
August 19, 2003 at 9:05 a.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
rednekbuddha (Kelly Powell) says...
Great, so now people will have a lot of sex for a week then quit....and pretty soon the bondage gear is hanging on the tread mill.
August 19, 2003 at 6:15 p.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
rednekbuddha (Kelly Powell) says...
Great, so now people will have a lot of sex for a week then quit....and pretty soon the bondage gear is hanging on the tread mill.
August 19, 2003 at 6:15 p.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
dex (anonymous) says...
rednekbuddharednekbuddha: haha ... that's why i prefer sex in the reclining chair with the tv on, i can keep that up for years.
August 20, 2003 at 4:02 p.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
AussieT (anonymous) says...
Well, sex and exercise..... not sure about that one. I have been a victim of the old cramp during doggy after playing Rugby and its not pretty! Soon you will be telling me to bring the "Deep Heat" to bed- that's where I draw the line!
September 2, 2003 at 1:34 a.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
grittykitty (anonymous) says...
They have strip tease aerobics at Crunch gyms, too. Although unfortunately you don't get to wear a bunny suit like they do in the commercials.
September 3, 2003 at 9:22 p.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )