Posted
by Frank Tankard
June 27, 2008 at 1:46 p.m.
Lawrence Ranked #310 on Super Top List, Riots Ensue
![][1]Hello, ladies. (And gentlemen.) I have a proposition. No more "top" lists, ever. I keep hearing about this TitleTown USA [stuff][2], some contest ESPN is holding to determine which title-winning town is the best, I guess. Some national magazine tells us the Replay is the best bar in Kansas, another says Lawrence isn't or is one of the best rock towns in America, U.S. News & World Report says KU is better or worse than it was last year ... and none of it, of course, means anything.Well, nevermind. Maybe I'm just being cranky. Let the "top" lists be. Let us make lots of "top" lists instead. Here are mine, based on months of scrupulous research, interviews, etc.:Top Hypothetical Concert Lineup Based on Most Outrageous Local Band Names: [ Jungle Tits][3]/ [Al-Qaeda][4]/ [The Complimentary Toothpicks][5]Top Facial Feature: eyesTop Gun: MaverickTop Book: Sometimes a Great Notion by Ken KeseyTop Shelf Liquor: one may only speculateTop Pen: Pilot G-2Top Food: steakIn other news, if you enjoy web pages, you might enjoy these: [You're Gonna Frey][6] (I don't know much about the people this piece refers to, but it's still funny.) [Stuff White People Like][7] [1]: http://media.lawrence.com/img/blogs/r... [2]: http://www2.ljworld.com/news/2008/jun... [3]: http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=65077409 [4]: http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=276524757 [5]: http://www.myspace.com/thecomplimentarytoothpicks [6]: http://www.nealpollack.com/cgi-bin/blog/do.cgi/200304290132/permalink [7]: http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/
and 1 others
Comments
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chewyfally (Falestine Afani Ruzik) says…
omfg I LOVE stuff white people likeit's friggin' hilarious.
godjilla (Jill Ensley) says…
I challenge your Top Pen choice, good sir!For these are the Best Pens Ever:http://www.office-supplies.us.com/product_103896_detailed.htm
Shelby (anonymous) says…
Not to nitpick, toothpick, but I think Iceman and Slider won Top Gun.That is, admittedly, disregarding the fact that Maverick essentially took himself out of the competition after Goose died.You have to feel for that black guy who Maverick tried flying with there for a little while. "We could of had him, man. HEY! We could of had him!!"But Maverick couldn't take the shot. It was "no good". Sad, really.Great. Balls. Of fire.
frankt (Frank Tankard) says…
Sorry, Shelby, but the staff of the Rogue Scarlet blog, after, I repeat, months of scrupulous research, and using a set of criteria that would take far too long to explain, came to the following conclusion pertaining to this particular list, and it stands:Top Gun: Maverick
bloozman (anonymous) says…
I always thought that Paladin was the top gun.
El_Borak (Bill Hoyt) says…
Hey, part of Lawrence was #1 in June:http://www.kunstler.com/eyesore_200806.html