All Women Secretly Hate Each Other

Blog: Safe in the Fire Swamp

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Scientists apparently don't work in offices: * [Women who had only one female boss][1] reported more psychological distress (such as trouble sleeping, difficulty focusing on work, depression and anxiety) and physical symptoms (such as headaches, stomach pain or heartburn, neck and back pain and tiredness) than women who worked for one male boss... * The findings, specifically those of female subordinates with females bosses, contradict theories suggested by previous studies that demographic similarities between a boss and their subordinate would promote harmony in the work place, while demographic differences would create problems.I would suggest that the "theories" mentioned above are based more on political presumption than studies, as it is obvious to anyone who has worked in an office where a woman manages multiple women that they simply do not - cannot - get along with their subordinates.Over the course of 20 years I've had numerous female bosses, and I've gotten along with them swimmingly. They've been as competent as any other middle managers, as willing to listen to others as men, and basically not a problem for me to manage*. Where they had problems, it was always with the women that they managed.The reason is not that women are incompetent in managerial roles; they're not. The problem is that All Women Secretly Hate Each Other (AWSHEO). While men have friends they seldom see - I have best buddies I see but once every five years, and we pick up just as if the last time I saw them was last Friday - women seem to have few friends like that. They are either best friends and thus inseparable or they are worst enemies - irreconcilable and willing to go out of their way to undermine another woman's position, reputation, and other friendships in the most hurtful way possible. Because women attach far more emotion to relationships than men, those relationships, whether at work or play, carry an intensity that cannot be set side just because one happens to be on the clock, especially when they go bad.While exceptions are probably not hard to find I suspect, I think that part of it arises from the nearly universal female trait of taking everything personally. If I have a boss - male or female - who's an idiot, I can accept that as a price to be paid for the fact that I don't aspire to that position, and I don't lose any sleep over it. But women, being by nature egalitarian creatures, are completely open in despising a female boss once they discover that she is not the boss because she's "better," but only because for whatever other reason, she's the boss. Female bosses, who also take such insubordination personally, are liable to go out of their way to make sure a female subordinate knows her place. The result is a continual catfight, especially when multiple female subordinates feel the same way and can gang up.All that said, I've never had a boss who was either a declared career woman or a feminist, consciously trying to prove that women were as good as men and therefore (over)using the "male" traits that all people find so insufferable in bosses, so maybe my experience is unusual. Each of them were just as good as men, though most of them eventually left their positions to raise their kids full-time, a decision I completely understand and respect. But none of my bosses who did that, so far as I know, considered exchanging their adult female charges for infant charges anything other than a bonus.*Successfully managing one's boss is the secret to vocational happiness.** Such an attitude may deprive me of the [$8500 per year][2] that's due me for holding "traditional" attitudes, like women should be at home. That's fine, I call them as I see them. maybe someone owes me $8500 after all. [1]: http://www.livescience.com/culture/080909-boss-gender.html [2]: http://www.livescience.com/culture/080922-traditional-men.html

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dolores2175 (April Fleming) says...

My favorite boss of all time was a woman. Even though lots of women don't like other women, they really aren't fond of men telling them that they don't like other women and why. Maybe you should wear a helmet today. :)

September 23, 2008 at 9:41 a.m. ( | suggest removal )

alm77 (anonymous) says...

Yeah. What April said. You sexist pig. When I worked at the bank, I *hated* my female boss. But she played favorites. Another female mentored me there and was adamant about *facts* she kept saying "You can't just tell your boss how you 'feel' you've got to go to her with specifics." So I did. Then my boss laughed off my coworkers behavior (who was bullying me. Oh the stories I can tell about that). So, I worked my way into a different department where my chosen aforementioned mentor was my new boss. She was tough, but she was fair. And she taught me a lot about getting along in "a man's world" while retaining my femininity. I stopped having those sleepless nights and started loving my job. I've also noticed since moving to Lawrence that many ladies here have this unspoken ultra anti-bitch code. It seems like if you're a girl, you're loved. Period. The place I've experienced this the most, oddly enough, is in the can at the Replay. I've had conversations with total strangers who made me feel like I've known them for years. I've gotten fashion tips, compliments, advice and hugs. Don't know what that's about, but it's way cooler than the competitive size-ups I grew up with.

September 23, 2008 at 10:04 a.m. ( | suggest removal )

wbabbit (Will Babbit) says...

You want to see something nuts Bill - check out female officers in the Army in co-ed units. That's total drama insanity...

September 23, 2008 at 10:24 a.m. ( | suggest removal )

El_Borak (Bill Hoyt) says...

April: "they really aren't fond of men telling them that they don't like other women and why..." Oh, I'm confident women already know far more than I could ever tell them, so my audience for this little rant should probably be restricted to men. And I guess to scientists who are surprised to find that some women give other women ulcers.alm: Oink.

September 23, 2008 at 12:29 p.m. ( | suggest removal )

ladylaw (Terry Bush) says...

Hmmm. I can't speak for all women, just me. But I can tell you that my current boss has now hired me to work for her 4 separate times (I left her 2 times b/c "better" chances to advance myself came along.....and she left me once). We do not socialize outside of work; we simply work well (better then most people) as a team and we know it. So I happen to LOVE the female boss I have now. But I have had a "bad" one - someone who viewed me as a threat and thus attempted to prevent me from doing anything other then exist. Not a good use of resources. I got out of there as fast as I could.

September 23, 2008 at 1:44 p.m. ( | suggest removal )

ladylaw (Terry Bush) says...

When I was a teen, I preferred male friends. They were often more direct and less whiney. Plus, despite all evidence to the contrary, many girls (I will not call them women) believed that all other women were after "THEIR MAN!" However, as I (and all the others around me) matured a bit, the competitive side of our gender wars lessened a lot (perhaps due to the fact that we all eventually "landed" our mate), I discovered the remarkable loyalty of a good female friend, and I was able to form lasting and strong bonds with several females. Interestingly, my oldest friends are still some of the guys from high-school. But the people who know me the best are often female (easier to understand what you can relate to better). And that may be the point; if you like yourself, you tend to like others too. And vice versa.

September 23, 2008 at 1:44 p.m. ( | suggest removal )

ladylaw (Terry Bush) says...

final (they've put on an anti=verbose feature...just for me I surmise! LOL).Yes, there are some women who do not like their own gender. I would offer the suggestion that such women do not really like themselves. I think whether a woman can be managed (or friends with) another women depends entirely upon the two women. Some people (of all genders) tend to be bullies and/or insecure. Sadly, the traits that make people be bullies or insescure result in conduct that is often rewarded in business situations, so bullies and the insecure end up managing other people. And that makes them unpleasant to work with and for. No matter their gender. But those people who are secure enough to recognize their success depends in part (if not large part) upon the success of their subordinates come in both genders. On the other hand, I think ElBorak is right that many females take such situations more to heart - we are often less able to divorce bad conduct that is not really our fault from how it makes us feel. Knowing that "life is not fair" does not make it feel any better. And many males may be more able either to ignore such unfairness and slights or are not as conscious of the stress it causes them. That may be why females generally have longer life spans. Yelling "OUCH" may be a female's way of surviving! Whether it is in work, play or relationships of any kind. The women who thrive (and survive) are those who seek help when they need and know a bad situation when they are in it - and work hard to escape ASAP!

September 23, 2008 at 1:45 p.m. ( | suggest removal )

Snoop (anonymous) says...

I'm gonna catch grief for this but, hey:I've always said that I prefer working with women. If I were to start my own business I would hire mostly women, women work harder and are more loyal and bring a broader thinking base to the job and work environment.I have been in several situations where I was the only guy in an office or department full of women. I never had any problems because FIRST the boss was a very smart and very motivated individual. She only hired women who had ambition and drive and had a positive outlook and was dedicated to the "mission."I was surrounded by some of the smartest and brightest women, many with multiple degrees, and even multiple masters' degrees, frankly these women were too busy doing good work to be jealous or petty.HOWEVER stupid women are toxic, stupid women just as they can screw up a relationship or a family, their friendships or their own lives can and often do destroy an office or work environment.I have been blessed to only have one example of this my entire work life.One fat ass tard idiot of a woman, everyone hated her, she could suck the life out of a room. She was a miserable old bat, and she knew it.When a woman hates who she is both mentally and or physically they will seek to spread the misery to everyone around her.You can reason with a stupid man, men are simple beasts, throw him a bone or pat him on the head, buy him a beer and you can offset a man's stupidity.But stupid, idiot bitter women are destructive and corrosive because they will always bring their outside hostility and stupidity to any work environment.Whether it's the work environment or even dating, having a woman with brain and having the capacity to use it is THE most important female trait.

September 23, 2008 at 3:10 p.m. ( | suggest removal )

lazz (anonymous) says...

http://www.lawrence.com/blogs/caption...

September 23, 2008 at 3:11 p.m. ( | suggest removal )

DOTDOT (anonymous) says...

Focus, competence, and self-assurance are the winning traits in any work situation I've been in. In my own experience, I've worked with winners and losers having pee pees of all types.What scares me most is working with people who lack the self assurance element. Driven by insecurity, frustration, and perceived competition, these are the back stabbers, winers, assholes who spray soap all over the bathroom mirrors, and who are rarely satisfied until everybody is as miserable as they are.Fear the weak.

September 24, 2008 at 9:38 a.m. ( | suggest removal )